


The Sexual Re-Education of Bucky Barnes

by Thorfanficwriter



Series: A Hill of Beans [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Dates, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Humor, Jealousy, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Self-Doubt, Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Thor mention, Tony Stark Mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 19:04:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17566229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorfanficwriter/pseuds/Thorfanficwriter
Summary: Set in a post-Infinity War AU, Bucky's deprogramming is successful and he needs a girl.For a while now, I've had this idea in my head "okay, what if Steve wasn't the virgin but Bucky was?" As I started writing, I felt like that was a little too extreme. Speaking of extreme, my head canon is HYDRA created the modern blueprint for brainwashing so poor Buck was denied absolutely everything that made him feel human, but they had to do something to counter the enhanced hormones.Luckily, I also watched IW again and paid closer attention to our hero. We get an indication that the happy-go-lucky side of Buck wasn't completely destroyed. I decided to try something a bit different (from what I've come across anyway) where he's somewhere between still-a-mess and completely-cured.Finally, anytime I started imagining Bucky in any situation, Sam would always pop into my head with some kind of dig or commentary. This story would be nothing without him!





	1. Chapter 1

Even after everything the team and their friends went through to defeat Thanos, restoring the lives he had so casually extinguished, Tony still wanted nothing to do with James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky didn’t blame him one bit. There were days he didn’t want anything to do with himself either. The deprogramming performed by Shuri and her team in Wakanda had successfully unshackled him from the infamous Winter Soldier, but that was only the tip of the iceberg. Becoming fully aware of what he had done under Hydra’s control left deep fears and scars that would take much longer to alleviate. 

When Tony invited the Avengers back to their residences at The Facility, that invitation was not extended to the man who had killed his parents. Steve and Sam explained that they appreciated the offer, but the trio had become a package deal. If the billionaire wanted the team back together permanently, he would have to extend an olive-branch to his most-hated enemy. 

Neither Stark nor Barnes thought this was a good idea. But Steve, Sam and Pepper joined forces begging for the man that had literally nowhere else to go, no one else to turn to. Besides, wasn’t access to the best mental health practitioners, surrounded by people who could actually contain him should something go awry, in everyone’s best interests? They finally made Tony see that he had simply been Hyrdra’s pawn. Isn’t that what the Avengers were for; to help those who can’t help themselves? Tony reluctantly agreed to a trial period as long as he never had to see or hear from the former assassin. 

Bucky was surprised to realize, that more than three months had actually passed since he’d moved into the compound without any threats of being kicked to the curb. Apparently staying under someone’s radar was a good skill to retain. _Maybe I’m finally doing something right_ , he thought. 

He had to admit that his friends and the counseling was making him feel more comfortable with the whole arrangement. He was even starting to feel like he was becoming part of normal society again. If you could call the Avengers normal, that is. 

On a quiet Friday night in the compound, there was a knock at his door. Expecting the guys to watch the baseball game on tv, he shouted, “Come in.” 

Sam entered, carrying two pizzas. Bucky asked, “No Steve?” 

“Our boy got himself a date.” 

“A date? How’d he manage that?” 

“You’ve met the man, right?” 

“I mean, where’d he meet her?” 

Sam placed the boxes on the coffee table and just shrugged. “Dude walks down the street and women throw digits at him. I think he said this one works in a bookstore. Or was that the last one? I can’t keep track of all his hookups.” 

“What’s a hookup?” 

As he walked over to the mini-fridge in the kitchenette, Sam answered, “I guess Big Brother hasn’t had the talk with you yet. A hookup is basically casual sex, no strings.” He carried two bottles of beer back to the seating area and handed one to Bucky. 

“And you’re telling me Steven Grant Rogers has these hookups?” 

“Like all the time. Well, when he’s not busy with missions and stuff.” 

“And gals are okay with this?” 

“He’s Captain fucking America. Like, literally.” Sam made a humping motion, then guffawed at his own joke. 

“Jesus, I really am turning into him.” 

“When was the last time you were with someone, man?” 

“1943” 

“Get the fuck out.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“Those Hydra are some sick motherfuckers.”  

Bucky appreciated the compassion in his friend's voice, but did not like being reminded of all the nefarious organization stole from him. 

“Well, Uncle Sammy’s going to help you remedy that real quick, in the interest of your health and well-being.” 

“Sam, no. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Why not? What are you into?” 

“Into?” 

“Women, men, both?” 

“Women!” 

“You can’t assume these days, Bucky. I can see I have my work cut out for me.” 

“Maybe you should go. You’re not even listening to me.” 

“I’m listening. You’re my friend, and my friend seriously needs to get laid.” 

“Stop! I’m not ready. Okay?” 

“Oh, geez. I’m sorry, man. You’ve never...?” 

“God, Sam. You are such a pain in the ass. I’m not a virgin. I just never did it after the Serum, and with all the brainwashing and shit, I don’t know what could happen.” 

“As far as I know, Steve’s never had an issue. You should talk to him and the doctors about it.” 

“I don’t even want to talk about it now, and really don’t want to hear all about my best friend’s business, let alone ask some strangers.” 

“C’mon. You can’t tell me you’re not at least curious about it.” 

He had him there. 

“Let me just catch you up on what’s changed since The Forties. Consider this your first night of Twenty-first Century sexual education, son.” After plating a couple slices of Meat Lover’s pizza, Sam began his lecture. 

* * *

“Here’s the DVD, Buck.” 

“Ugh. Steve, just forget it,” he said handing it back. 

“Look. Everyone does it. Nothing to be embarrassed about. You told us the doctors said there’s no reason you shouldn’t start dating, and you must be rusty as hell. We’ve got to catch you up with the times so when you meet a nice young lady you don’t scare her away. It’ll build up your confidence. Normally I’d just point you towards the Internet but, trust me, there’s some really weird, gross stuff out there.” Waving the case around, he added, “This is pretty tame.” 

Bucky still refused to take it so Cap just tossed the DVD on his coffee table. “Alright. Hold on to it as long as you want,” he said on his way out. 

For a while he was able to ignore it, avoid looking in that direction. Unfortunately, just like anything else, the more he tried not to think about it, the more he thought about it. Since the guys had made it a point to leave him alone that night, he had nothing better to do and nothing to take his mind off it. Finally, he admitted defeat and decided to play the video. 

This took a bit of time as the metal prosthesis was boxed up, stored under the bed. He preferred to go without since deprogramming, waiting for the new one Stark Industries was customizing at Steve’s cajoling. People these days were usually unfazed by amputees, anyway, unlike when he was growing up. 

The flick started and the first thing he noticed was the quality was lightyears better than the stag films he’d seen. It amused him that this actually had a lame attempt at a plot. This housewife’s husband traveled a lot, leaving her lonely and bored. She didn’t look like any housewife he’d ever seen. Instead of getting a job or something, like a normal person, she filled her time by seducing guys like delivery men, repair men, the pool boy. All of which, were in their twenties, buff and handsome.  

Her first victim was the package carrier. She asked if he would put the box in the kitchen for her which he was more than happy to do. It didn’t hurt that her skirt barely covered her crotch and the t-shirt was two-sizes-too-small. The nipples on her enormous tits, spilling out of the v-neck, looked like they could poke someone’s eyes out. 

Once they were in the kitchen, one innocent touch flared into them both flying out of their clothes. Bucky had always been a breast-man and first fixated on them. Sam had given him plenty of old Playboy’s the previous week, so he wasn’t surprised at seeing yet another boob-job. He started to wonder if he’d ever see real ones again but thought hers were awfully nice to look at and started feeling warm all over, especially inside his pants.  

The second thing he noticed was she was hairless down there. The guys had told him that grooming had become popular, but he’d never seen a grown woman without before looking through the magazines. He wasn’t sure he liked it in the photos and the video made him realize it definitely wasn’t his preference. 

When the man on-screen moved behind the woman who faced the camera, began fondling her chest with one hand and rubbing her snatch with the other, Bucky felt himself get hard. Delivery man started talking dirty in her ear, and she started licking her lips and groaning. Bucky squirmed a bit in his seat at the swelling between his legs, but stayed put.  

Then the guy palmed her, slipping a couple fingers inside and she started grinding. Bucky grabbed the remote, paused the video and trudged into the bathroom to get a towel. He realized he was now in a losing battle. Before sitting back down in front of the t.v., he slid off his sweats and boxer-briefs, then draped the towel over his thighs. 

Restarting the video, the woman began moaning and begging for the guys cock. Bucky cupped his balls then ran his hand up along the underside of his shaft, wrapping his fist around the head. There was already some leakage from the hot, heavy appendage, so he ran his thumb around the tip, encouraging more out, lubricating his way back down. 

When the man spun the woman sideways to the camera, making her lean over a countertop, he stuck his massive dick in her to the hilt and they both started going hard. He was grunting, she was groaning, he had both her tits in his hand pulling at those nipples like they needed to come off. Bucky pumped right along with them. As soon as the guy pulled out, spewing all over her ass, he came, too. Harder and longer than he had just using his own imagination or the magazines. 

He bunched up the towel and set it aside momentarily, curious how much more there was to this video. Only about ten minutes had played so far.  

The delivery man left, and he guessed it was supposed to be later in the day, a repairman arrived. She was at it again. This time, she greeted the poor bastard in a short, silk robe that accidentally slipped open at some point.  

Bucky couldn’t believe he was getting excited all over again. Especially with this ridiculous nonsense. Maybe it had just been too damn long. The towel was quickly replaced, and sure enough, once the guy on the tv started coming, so did he. 

He was starting to see why so many people were into this. He slowed down his breathing and laughed to himself. _Shit, I wonder how long I can keep this up_. At this point, he felt it was in the interest of Science to find out. 

The total count that night was five. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky thinks he's ready for society. Steve and Sam want to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's, surprisingly, no smut in this chapter. It's a surprise to me, anyway. lol

The doctors wanted their rehab patient to begin a regular exercise routine, but he wasn’t self-disciplined enough yet to get it done on his own. Until then, he fell victim to his best friend, exercise fanatic, The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan. Evidently, the plan was to be as annoying as possible until a person caved. 

Saturday morning, Steve had gotten Bucky up at the ungodly hour of five a.m. so they would have the gym to themselves. They were still avoiding Tony, but Steve insisted he liked getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to work out anyway. Nobody else typically left their room for a few more hours on the weekends unless there was a mission. Steve preferred not having to hold back in the gym. That way, he wouldn’t have to worry about someone getting knocked over by a flying heavy bag. 

In the showers an hour later, he couldn’t help but notice the occasional furtive glances coming his way. “What’s up, Buck?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You keep checking me out. It’s kinda weird.” 

“Sorry. Sam said I should talk to you about something. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.” 

“What’s that?” 

“He said you have a lot of hookups.” They toweled off and began dressing in the locker room. 

“I date when I can.” _Mental note: Sam needs another lecture on gossiping._  

“He says it’s more than just dating.” 

A nerve was hit. “Okay, Buck, I go out and get laid. Is that what you want to hear?” He didn’t think his friend, who had been quite the ladies’ man before the war, had any right to judge. 

“Don’t get all uptight. I just...I’m sorry. Forget it.”  

The last thing Steve wanted was to shut him down when he obviously had something on his mind. “No, I’m sorry for snapping at you. It’s frustrating. I’d like to find someone special. I just don’t have the time.” 

“When did that start? I mean, you were all Mr. Waiting-for-the-right-partner back then.” 

“The USO girls got to me.” 

“How many?” 

“Every single one. They all wanted a piece of Captain America and they were very persuasive. All those short skirts and skimpy tops with nothing underneath. There was a lot of waiting around. I don’t even want to think about it or I’m going to have to hit the showers again.” After a brief laugh, Steve went on. “Then with S.H.I.E.L.D., well, everyone was doing it. I guess agents didn’t have much of a social life either.” 

“Shit. Did you and Natasha ever?” 

“Just once. We were bored and curious. I felt like she was evaluating me the whole time, like she was going to write a report or something. You know, I’m still not sure if she even liked it. It took a hell of a lot of work to get her to...never mind. Why this sudden interest in my love life?” 

The former Winter Soldier looked away and answered, “I think I want to try dating again, but there’s something I’m worried about.” 

“Such as?” Seeing his friend blush and hesitate once more, he said, “Buck, you know you can ask me anything. I’ll either tell you straight out or flat-out sock you in the jaw.”  

He said, “I’m afraid I might hurt a girl now. You know after the Serum and everything.” 

“Oh! As long as you don’t rush, give them a minute to adjust it’s not a problem.” 

He was confused, at first, until he realized Steve was talking about their enhanced size. “Geez, I wasn’t even thinking about that. I mean, have you ever lost control; like gotten too rough?” 

“No. Never. Look, if you’re still worried about the deprogramming then you should talk with the doctors.” As they walked towards the elevators, he added, “Let me know when you want me to scrounge up a date for you. I’m sure I can find someone who’s got a desperate friend or something. About time I paid you back.” 

Bucky punched him in the shoulder. “Still a punk.” Then he added, “You could do me a favor, though.” 

“Name it.” 

“Don’t ever mention you with Nat again. I’m going to pretend that never happened.” 

* * *

The next day, after an emotionally exhausting couple of hours with Medical, including the head-shrinks, Bucky returned to his suite to find Steve outside his door ready to pounce. “There you are. What’d the doctors say?” 

“Can we not do this right now?” He pressed his thumbprint to the recognition keypad. All he wanted to do was watch some mind-numbing tv and, hopefully, take a nap. 

As the door opened, Steve said, “I’m just trying to help, bud.” 

“I know. Both you and Sam. It’s not that I don’t appreciate everything. It's just you guys are pushing for this a little too hard. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Actually, my shrink suggested finding something useful to do first. It gets pretty boring around here when everybody else has jobs to do.” 

Just as they were about to close the door, heavy footsteps came running down the hall. They heard Sam’s voice shout, “Hold up, guys!” as he slid to a stop in front of the threshold. He put his hands to his thighs and took in some deep breaths. 

“Where’s the fire?” Bucky asked, holding the door open to invite him in. 

He straightened up, took a huge cleansing breath and faced Bucky. “I just got off the phone with my friend, Y/N, who has a nursery not far from here. She’s hiring for the season. It doesn’t pay much but I thought maybe you’d be interested.” 

“Sam, I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout babies.” 

“Not that kind of nursery. Plants and shit. Basically, you’d do whatever she asks, but mostly lifting and hauling stuff. It’s part-time so I’m sure you could work it out with your rehab schedule.” 

“Well, that couldn’t have been timelier,” Steve said. 

The idea of being out in society without one of the Avengers made Bucky a little anxious. Every once in a while, whenever they went out, he would get the occasional odd look but had yet to be harassed. He figured  no one dared with a superhero by his side. On the other hand, he was tired of feeling like a moocher. “Yeah, I’ll check it out. Anything to get away from you two mother hens.” 

* * *

Using one of the Avengers loaner vehicles, Sam drove over to Hillside Garden Center the next afternoon. Located at the edge of town, it was no more than fifteen-minutes from the Facility. As they pulled through the gates into a gravel parking lot that held only a few other cars, Bucky pulled down the sun visor and slid open the vanity mirror. 

Sam griped, “I’m surprised that thing hasn’t fallen off yet. That’s like the hundredth time you’ve checked yourself out.” 

“Maybe I shoulda shaved, and I’m still not sure about this haircut.” Steve had insisted he at least get the overgrown locks trimmed up a couple inches if he wasn’t ready to let go of them completely. Thinking it would have been better to have pulled it back into a ponytail, he settled for pushing the hair behind his ears. 

“Well, It’s too late now. I’m not driving all the way back just so you can feel pretty. Get yo’ ass outta the car.” 

Since it was early March, the place looked rather bare. There were only a smattering of trees, shrubs and landscaping materials being sold out front. Sam led them through the nursery, full of plants and supplies, to an office in the back. In the open doorway that he peeked into, knocking on the door jamb caused a female voice to yell, “Sam!” as he stepped inside. 

Bucky followed behind, watching feminine arms wrap around his friend’s neck. The room was warm thanks to a couple forced portable heaters. It was so toasty, both of the men felt immediately compelled to remove their jackets. 

As he moved around the pair, and the woman pulled away glancing over, Bucky caught his breath. Caught off-guard by the owner, who was younger than expected, he fixated on her friendly _y/c_ eyes, _y/c_ hair and beautiful smile. He felt dumbstruck. His eyes traveled downwards taking in the alluring figure clad simply in jeans and a t-shirt. She was a looker. 

He was introduced to Y/N who looked at him directly in the eyes. “It’s nice to meet you, Bucky. Thanks so much for coming.” She couldn’t help but stare into the lovely blue eyes and notice his strong jaw. Although his thick build, long hair and scruffy face gave off a bit of a bad-ass vibe, there was an underlying boyish charm there as well. 

Bucky found it a little odd that she hadn’t glanced once towards the missing arm. Usually, that was the first place people looked, and their eyes would continue to be drawn unconsciously in that direction. Y/N didn’t seem to have that problem. In fact, she seemed to be a little fixated on the one he had. “Nice to meet you, too. You own all this?” 

“Yup. It used to belong to my parents. I took it on when they retired. So, Sam says you’re looking for work.” 

“Yeah.” A silly grin spread across his face. 

She was a caught off guard by how sweet he suddenly looked, resisting the urge to squeeze him like a giant teddy bear. “The job is basically loading and restocking, watering plants. You look like you can easily lift more than fifty pounds.” 

Realizing she was checking him out, his grin grew even wider. “No problem.” 

Y/N felt the flush rising to her cheeks and mentally scolded herself. “If you have a valid driver’s license, there are occasional local deliveries. As you can see, it’s not a big operation. Our clients are homeowners and local landscapers. You interested?” 

“Oh, I’m definitely interested, d...ow!” Sam had pinched him hard. 

“Is there something wrong?” she asked, concerned. 

“No. Some irritating little bug got me.” He glared at his friend. Turning back to her, he asked, “When can I start?” 

“We’d be glad to have you, but I’ll need you to fill out an application first.” Turning to a file folder on her desk, she pulled out a couple sheets. She then bent over and began writing something. Bucky took that opportunity to check out her backside. He liked what he saw framed beneath the denim.  

Sam gave him a sharp elbow to the ribs. When they glared at each other again, he mouthed “Cool it!” 

Bucky mouthed back, “What?” 

Sam mouthed, “You _know_ what.” The two quickly straightened up and tried to look nonchalant when she faced them again.  

Handing the sheets to Bucky, Y/N said, “This top one is the application. It’s pretty basic. Oh, and don’t worry about the work history. Just put down ‘not applicable’. Sam explained your situation to me.” 

Bucky’s face fell. “I see. That’s not a problem for you?” 

“Should it be? Sam’s vouching for you. That’s good enough for me. But the second sheet is a medical clearance. Since you’re under continuous care, I just need your doctors to sign off on it.” Smiling in reassurance, she added, “That’s my cell number on the sticky note. Contact me if you have any questions.” 

He quipped, “Hey, look at that. I got your number without even trying.” Sam did not find the joke funny, but luckily, she did. 

“I look forward to working with you.” She turned and said, “Thanks for introducing us, Sam. It’s so good to see you again.” They chatted for a couple minutes about their families. Normally, that kind of thing bored Bucky, but he was glad for any excuse to hang out longer. 

On their way to the car, Sam asked, “Have you ever heard of subtlety?” 

“What’dya mean?” 

“I thought I was going to have to pick your eyeballs up off the ground and shove them back into their sockets. Wipe your chin, there’s still some drool hanging off of it.” 

Bucky rubbed at it before realizing his leg was being pulled. “Fuck off. Don’t tell me you don’t think she’s pretty.” 

“No doubt, but you looked like a fox at a hen house.” 

“Just shut up and drive.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some pancakes and some flirting.

When he first mentioned Bucky Barnes to her, Y/N was appalled. She wanted nothing to do with The Winter Soldier or any of the possible ramifications from hiring an internationally wanted man. Why would such a man want the job, anyway? But Sam reassured her at length that the deprogramming was successful and Stark’s legal team had already gotten the HYDRA victim exonerated in the U.S. The other nations would soon follow suit. Although there were still big reservations, she gave into her friend’s heartfelt pleas to give the man a chance to rebuild a somewhat normal life. 

She had expected to meet someone dark, brooding, completely shut off. The only pictures Y/N had ever seen of him were blurred street-cam shots released after the U.N. bombing. In the end, those turned out to be someone else entirely. Certainly, a blue eyed, somewhat pouty man with a cute little chin-dimple was the last thing she expected. Sure, Bucky was rough around the edges, but somehow that made him more attractive.  

Even after taking him on, she had been concerned about other potential challenges. From what Sam told her, it sounded like a PTSD situation, and possibly more. It certainly was unique. Some moodiness was reasonable to expect. Granted, only a week had passed, but even though he was typically serious, especially while working, there were no signs of trouble. If anything, the opposite was true. He would randomly flash her one of those disarming smiles for seemingly no reason, then just go on with whatever he was doing.  

Plus, the work ethic was incomparable. Once he arrived, he didn’t stop. The only breaks he took were for water or the bathroom. (He sure did visit the employee cooler kept in the office an awful lot.) What he was able to accomplish using one appendage was incredible. His shift co-worker was a Senior linebacker from the local high-school who had trouble keeping up using two arms. Often, she was catching, and admonishing, herself for gawking as Bucky’s muscles flexed and relaxed repeatedly while moving heavy bags of mulch or soil, never even breaking a sweat. 

She’d never seen anything like him.  

* * *

On Bucky's day off, Steve decided to treat the guys to Sunday breakfast in celebration of his first official job outside of the Army. Watching them across the table, they seemed to have struck an unspoken contest of who could eat the most pancakes. He hoped starting a conversation would slow them down before his bank account took a serious hit.  

“So, how was the first week?” 

“It was fine. There was a lot of stock coming in, so we were pretty busy. Y/N’s still hiring, so right now it’s just me and this kid doing the heavy work. Not sure if he’s in love with the gal he’s always texting or the phone itself. I constantly have to bark at him to ignore it.” 

“Sam mentioned you took quite a shine to the boss lady.” 

Staring down at the plate, he answered, “She’s okay, I guess”. 

“Okay?” Sam hollered. “I had to practically drag your ass back to the car the other day.” 

“You’re being overly dramatic, again,” Bucky mumbled with a mouth full of pancake. “And now you gotta put another dollar in the jar.” 

A few days prior, Steve had remembered to have that talk with Sam. Since it had been the third of such after Wakanda, he put a Gossip Jar in the common area. Anytime someone gossiped, that person would have to place a dollar inside. To date, there were eleven dollars courtesy, of Sam and Tony. 

“It’s not gossip; it’s fact, so that makes it news.” 

Cap simply raised his eyebrow at Sam who grimaced and angrily shoved bacon into his mouth. 

“I’m just there to work,” Bucky stated. What he did not share was the amount of time he wasted secretly watching Y/N, visiting the water cooler or coming up with stupid questions to ask just to have some excuse to chat. 

“It’s probably not a good idea to get involved with someone you work with anyway,” Steve said. 

Bucky nearly choked on his next mouthful and Sam said, “Maybe we should start a Pot-Calling-The-Kettle-Black Jar.” 

* * *

The flirting started the following week. Their faces lit up around each other. An unconscious, twitchy smile crossed her face whenever she spoke to him. His glances turned into stares. They were constantly inventing reasons to work in the same area then making eyes at each other. Everyone saw it. 

For days, she operated under the delusion she was playing it cool until, her sales manager and closest friend called her out at the end of Friday night. “So, Bucky, huh?”  

“He’s working out nicely, don’t you think?” 

“I think you’d like him to work you out.” 

“Kathy!” 

“Don’t try to deny it. It is _painfully_ obvious the two of you have a thing for each other.” 

Putting a hand to her head, she admitted, “I was really trying to keep it professional.” 

“Y/N, you’re the boss and this is a small business. Nobody cares.” 

“No. I’ll just have to do better.”  

She made conscious efforts to treat Bucky the same as the other employees. Initially, she simply tried to just give him a wide berth. This wasn’t too difficult while he was busy, but other than her, he was usually the last one out and wouldn’t leave the lot until she was safely on her way. She told herself that he was just one of those chivalrous types of guys who would do it for anybody. 

Until, one night, she decided to stay past closing hours. Bucky went into the office, retrieved his jacket and announced, “Hey, everyone else is gone and we’ve closed up.” 

“Okay, thanks,” remaining at her desk intent on whatever she was working on. 

“You staying?” 

She finally looked at him. “Yeah. I’m almost done entering these receipts. I won’t be much longer. Have a good night.” 

“I’m not leaving until you do.” 

“It’s fine. No worries. Just lock the gate behind you.” 

“It’s not fine. It’s not safe. Do you do this a lot?” 

“Not really. Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.” 

“Out here? Where no one can hear you if there’s trouble?” 

With a sigh, she got up, opened a cabinet door then hit some numbers on a safe’s keypad. Opening it, she pulled out a gun and showed it to him. “Happy?” 

“You could have been killed at least ten different ways by now.” 

If he hadn’t been pestering her, she might have actually been done. In her irritation, she thoughtlessly blurted out, “I really don’t think there are any other trained assassins hanging out around here, Bucky.”  

His face fell.  

She wanted to take back the words as soon as they were uttered. The expression on his face was unreadable. She wasn’t sure if he was hurt, angry or both but it was a shitty thing to have said nonetheless.  

“Jesus, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” Quickly putting the weapon away, she went back to him, put a hand on his bicep and looked up, beseeching, “Can you ever forgive me? I really don’t think of you that way.” 

“How do you think of me?” His voice sounded an octave deeper, and his steely blue eyes locked onto hers. The expression on his face turned definitively seductive. Not at all a reaction she expected. His large chest expanded and contracted with heavy breaths. Her gut clenched in response. 

Removing the hand, she whispered, “What?” finding her heart beating very fast all of a sudden. _How had the situation gone sideways so quickly?_ She inched her way back over to the desk hoping her need to get back to business would distract him. 

Instead, he stepped closer, only inches away, looked down at her and asked huskily, “Tell me what you think of me.” 

Swallowing hard, finding her mouth very dry, she stammered, “I’m not sure this is an appropriate conversation right now.” She would’ve given almost anything then to wipe that grin off his face. It was making her think very unprofessional things. 

“You brought it up.” There was no retort. “I’m off the clock now, anyway.” 

Forcibly tearing her eyes away from his death-lock stare, she started gathering up her receipts and locking down the PC. “You’re right. These can wait until tomorrow.” 

“That’s a good girl.” With a confused, somewhat concerned, look she started to speak when he interrupted, understanding that comment had overstepped. “Can I help you with anything?” 

Grabbing her purse, and heading for the exit with him in tow, she answered, “No. I’m all set”. They were silent all the way to the parking lot. As he was getting into his car, she said, “Bucky?” 

He turned around. “Yeah?” 

“Um, thanks for, you know, looking out for me.” 

“I got you, Y/N.” He gave her one last Chesire Cat-like grin. 

Not entirely sure what was meant by that, she was sure as hell that some self-care was going to be necessary when she got home. 

* * *

Bucky berated himself the whole drive back to the compound. He couldn’t believe acting so stupidly, risking a job he had had for less than two weeks. _Damn, if she hadn’t been responding though._ She obviously felt something. Exactly what it was, he wasn’t sure. It wasn't fear or disinterest. That, at least, was a good sign. 

By the time he got back to his room, he had replayed the scene over in his head countless times. He was at the point where he was imagining a variety of different scenarios of what might have happened, what they might have done if things had gone further. By the time he parked and exited the loaner vehicle, he had to adjust himself and untuck his shirt to hide the obvious bulge in his pants. Luckily, only a handful of people passed him on the way to his room. Nobody who wanted to stop and talk. He went straight for the shower, as always after work, but knew cleaning up wasn’t the only thing needed. 

After scrubbing all the soil and sweat off his skin, he lathered up another big handful of soap, spreading it all around his genitals. He was so worked up, it wouldn’t take long. Starting under his already swollen balls, he rubbed them until his member bounced with the increased pressure. He grabbed both the head and shaft, slowly sliding his fist down. Images of undressing Y/N and taking her on the desk flooded his brain. His ass clenched, causing his hips to thrust forward, the erection demanding to be taken care of faster. Pumping harder, closing his eyes, he imagined her naked body, hearing her sighs and feeling her engulf him. A few more thrusts and he groaned while cum blasted all over the tiles. Only the beginning, he stroked more vigorously. Breathing hard, abs contracting, he pressed his head against the shower wall as his balls constricted and he came again. Staying propped against the cool tiles, he took deep, slow breaths waiting for his thighs to stop shaking. 

“Get your shit together, Barnes,” he whispered to himself. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dance. Bucky, Sam and Steve help out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, there's no smut here, again.

_It w_ _ould be stupid to mess_ _up over a crush._ He had come to like the work. It wasn’t brain surgery, but Bucky took pride in the fact that he did the job well, got along with his coworkers and was earning some dough. Y/N hadn’t acknowledged or otherwise referenced the heated dialogue, pretending it never happened. _Who am I kidding, anyway, thinking a girl like her would have any interest in a guy like me?_ That was fine as far as he was concerned. Considering himself lucky to have avoided any kind of disciplinary action, he decided to straighten up and fly right. Not an easy thing to do when she was so pretty and nice and continued to laugh at his stupid jokes, but he managed. 

A few days later, he walked into the Garden Center office to sign in at the beginning of his shift as usual. She was on the phone, but continued conversing. “I’ll ask around, but that really sucks. Yeah, I’ll talk to you later.” 

She didn’t look happy which he didn’t like. As the call was ended, he asked, “What sucks?” 

“Oh, nothing. I’m helping a friend with a charity function and she had a couple guys, who were supposed to help us, bag out last minute.” 

“What do you need help with?” 

“She’s throwing an old-fashioned barn dance to raise money for the local animal shelter. We just need a few extra hands to help with setting up, tearing down and making sure the animals are taken care of.” 

“I’ll help. If there are any goats, I’m great with goats.” 

“Really? It’s tomorrow night, and, sorry, no goats.” 

“I don’t have any plans. I'm pretty sure Steve and Sam are free, too. I’ll bring them along.” 

“You sure?” 

“Trust me. If girls will be there, so will they.” 

“Oh, my god, Bucky. You’re a lifesaver.” She jumped out of the chair and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you.” 

“My pleasure, doll.” He was thrilled to have put a smile back on her face. As he wrapped his arm around her, she caught herself and straightened up. That eager grin was back as well as a twinkle in his eye. “I better get to work,” he said. 

Just after walking out, he popped his head back into the doorway. “By the way, your hair smells really nice,” and then disappeared again. 

 _This guy’s_ _gonna_ _end me,_ Y/N thought. 

* * *

After closing, Bucky went to the office when his shift was over, looking a little dirty. She asked, not so subtly, if he needed to go home first. He said he would clean up in the employee bathroom and the guys were bringing a change of clothes. While waiting for him to get ready, Y/N switched out her dusty sweatshirt for a red, checkered button-down over her snug white tank top. Then she did her best to tidy up her hair and put on a little extra makeup.  

Exiting the bathroom, Bucky said, “Hey, you look cute,” blushing. Then he announced needing a ride to the dance because the guys had the car. 

Being out in a rural area, the venue was at least a thirty-minute drive. Once they were on their way, she couldn’t think of anything better to break the awkward silence, so she asked, “Do you mind if I ask about the arm?” 

“Didn’t Sam tell you?” After she shook her head, he said, “I fell off a moving train, during the war.” 

“What?” she nearly shouted. That was not a scenario she had ever imagined. “God, that’s intense. Which war?” 

“World War II.” 

“Oh, you’re quite the comedian.” 

He looked at her, incredulous. “I’m dead serious. How much do you actually know about my past?” 

“Just that HYDRA turned you into The Winter Soldier and that you were deprogrammed in Wakanda. That’s about it.” 

“It all started during the war. I got a version of the same stuff they put into Steve, but they kept me in cryo-freeze until they needed me.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes, I swear to God if you are making any of this up, I will never speak to you again.” 

“Believe me, I wish I were." Her using his full name reminded him, “Wait. I put my birth date down on the job application. 1917. You copied my driver’s permit.”  

“I honestly didn’t pay attention. You are literally blowing my mind right now.” She practically bounced in her seat with excitement. “So, tell me more about the war.” 

He told her about growing up with Steve Rogers, his regiment being captured, being saved by Captain America, The Howling Commandos and being turned over to HYDRA again. She wanted to hear more, but by the time he was done, Y/N pulled onto the farm road.  

As they approached the huge barn that had been renovated for event rentals, they were guided by attendants to the parking area. The two Avengers were already there waiting. Sam handed Bucky a pair of clean jeans and a red flannel shirt that matched his own.  

Bucky looked at it and said, “I can’t wear this, it’s the same as yours.” 

Steve, who was wearing a simple, blue cotton button-down shirt said, “He tried to get me to wear one, too.” While the other two began arguing, he introduced himself to Y/N. 

Sam complained, “You both asked me to pick up something appropriate to wear. It was all they had left in your giant-ass sizes.” 

“Why the hell did you yourself get one then?” 

“Because I figured if it was only the two of you wearing them, people would think you were _together_.” 

“Well, now they’re gonna think you and I are!” 

“Trust me. No one would ever think I’d settle for a loser like you.” 

Afraid things might get physical, Y/N interrupted, “Come on, we’ll find a place for you to change. Stop pouting. I’m wearing red, too. People will just think it’s like a staff uniform or something.” 

She found her friend and made all the introductions. After Bucky changed in the portable restroom trailer, Y/N’s friend quickly put the big guys to work moving hay bales into strategic areas, and stringing up lights. They finished just as a few early-birds arrived. Bucky tried to find Y/N, but was ambushed by her friend again with more directions.  

An hour into the dance, Y/N finally got a break and decided to walk past the adoption booths. When she got to the puppy pen, there was a small crowd watching Bucky inside the middle of it, on his back, rolling around, wrestling with them. He saw a flash and quickly sat up to see her pointing her phone at him.  

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

“I think the question is what are _you_ doing?” 

Standing, and brushing himself off, then climbing over the short containment fence, he answered, “I was refilling their water and they ganged up on me. I was outnumbered.” 

“Well, I’m glad you came out unscathed. Except...” Slipping the phone into her pocket, she moved behind him and brushed hay off the back of his shirt. “You’ve got more stuff on your butt.” 

“You shouldn’t leave a job half done, Y/N,” he turned around and smirked. 

It was time to see whether he was bluffing or not. She obliged, then playfully smacked him on the ass. While walking away, she marveled at his ridiculously tight glutes. Her hand stung. 

For a moment, he was stunned. Then he decided to catch up with her, grabbing a hand. “Hey, let’s dance.” She started to speak but he didn’t give her a chance to answer, dragging her onto the dancefloor. “C’mon. Just one.” 

The band was in the middle of a modern country song, but Bucky started pulling and spinning her like it was a swing tune. She couldn’t believe how smoothly he moved for such a big guy. Luckily, the song was soon over because she was having a hard time keeping up. When the band next started a slow ballad, he grabbed her around the waist and held her tight, causing her hands to brace against his chest for balance. 

“Oh!” she squeaked. When she saw where her hands were, her face flushed. The muscles were even harder than she’d imagined which wasn’t supposed to be happening in the first place. Slowly, she moved her left hand to his right bicep then the other to his shoulder as they began swaying. That’s when her fingers felt something odd underneath his shirt.  

He explained, “The connections from the cybernetic arm are still there.” When she shook her head to indicate not understanding, he asked, “You really don’t know anything about me do you?” 

“Sam just told me the highlights, I guess.” Like everyone else at the time after the Vienna bombing, she had heard of the alleged atrocities, but didn’t follow the story any further. She couldn’t reconcile the person in front of her could be that same man. Especially when looking into those soft, blue eyes. 

“Looks like I owe him one.” He began to explain about the metal prosthesis and how he lost it when a man come up and tapped him on his shoulder. In a rather inebriated slur, the guy said, “I’m cutting in.” Bucky tried to lead them away, but the guy continued to move in, forcing the couple to stop. 

Y/N said tersely, “I’m going to finish this dance, thank you.” 

The drunk slurred, “That’s admirable of you. When you’re done with your pity date, come find me, baby.” 

“Don’t hold your breath, asshole,” she hissed. 

He grabbed her arm and asked, “What did you call me?” 

Bucky released her and faced the assailant. “Hands off, buddy,” he growled menacingly. 

A few people stopped to see what was happening and it came to the notice of Steve and Sam who began walking towards them. The man let go, but then made the mistake of challenging his opponent. “What are you gonna do about it, crip?” he asked, poking Bucky in the breastbone. 

The former assassin clamped onto the man’s wrist, pulled him forward, then spun him and twisted the arm up behind his own back. This also caused a loss of balance, so Bucky easily forced him down on the ground face first. The music hadn’t stopped since a good many folks kept right on dancing.  

“Would you like another demonstration or have you had enough?” Bucky yelled. 

With his mouth half in the dirt, the guy muttered, “I’m good.” 

“Apologize to the lady.” 

“I’m sorry!” He was let up and the guy looked like he would try to fight back. Then he saw the two equally massive friends standing there as well, so had a second thought. 

Steve took the guy’s arm and said, “Let’s call you a cab.” Sam took the other and they escorted him outside. 

Bucky looked at Y/N and asked, “You okay?” 

“Yeah, sure. I could use a drink though.” 

Y/N had only just relaxed and taken a few sips when her friend, newly dubbed The Taskmaster, found them at the bar and put her back to work. “Sorry,” she mouthed to Bucky as she got dragged away. They barely saw each other for the next few hours. 

At the end of the night, after all the dancing was long over and the barn had finally been put back into its original state, the volunteers wearily trudged over to the parking area. Bucky held Y/N’s hand on the way to her car.   

Before climbing in, she turned and stared up at him. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to finish our dance.” 

He stepped even closer and said, “How about a raincheck?” 

“Definitely, but if we’re going to do this there will have to be some rules at work.” 

“Are we going to start holding dances?” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“Do you mean this?” he asked, leaning in to kiss her. With a heart fluttering in a way long forgotten, Bucky wished he could freeze that moment of breathless anticipation. Since that wasn’t possible, he decided to take it slow in effort to sear the memory into his brain. 

Y/N had never wanted someone to hurry up and kiss her so badly in her entire life. The stealthy approach caused a hyper-focus on every feature of his gorgeous face. When he finally put his soft lips to hers, a shiver ran through her entire body. His arm wrapped around, pressing into her back. She could feel both their hearts beating. Unable to qualify it exactly, she thought he smelled just how a man should: the outdoors, a light sweat, beer and the suggestion of sex. How he had learned to kiss, without using any tongue, in a way that still managed to make her dizzy, she’d never know. 

Their reverie was ruined by Sam leaning on the car horn. 

“Exactly how close are the two of you? Because I’m definitely going to kick his ass,” he whispered. 

“You have my full support.” 

“Let me know when you’re home safe.” 

“I will.” 

* * *

 _I’m home safe and sound_  

 _Good. Tonight was fun. Except that part with the jerk._  

 _I had fun too I was impressed with how you handled that guy_ _it was hot_  

 _Hot is good right?_  

 _LOL OMG_ _tcfw_  

 _English please._  

 _And I now I have this as a_ _momento_ <<<photo of Bucky & puppies>>> 

 _Please tell me you didn’t send that to anyone else, especially Sam._  

 _What would happen if I_ _did_  

 _I’d_ _probably_ _do something drastic._  

 _Like punish me_  

 _Yeah_ _._  

 _How would you punish me if I was a bad_ _girl_  

 _I’d put you over my knee and spank you._ _I owe you anyway._  

 _I couldn’t hit send fast enough_  

 _You_ _didn’t._  

 _No take me out tomorrow night and I promise it’ll be our little secret_  

 _The photo or the date?_  

 _Guess it’ll depend on how the date goes so you’ll have to be on your best behavior_  

 _That doesn’t sound like a fun date. How about a movie?_  

 _Sure_  

 _I’ll call you tomorrow to work out the details?_  

 _Can’t wait_  

 _Me either._  

 _Good night Bucky_  

 _Good night, Y/N_ _._  


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First date. Bucky gives out mixed signals.

When Bucky asked the attendant for tickets and was told the total came to twenty-six dollars, he complained, “I only wanted two.” 

“That’s right, sir. Tickets are twelve-fifty each plus tax,” the monotone voice stated. 

“For a lousy movie?” 

“Good, bad, doesn’t matter, they’re all the same price, sir.” 

Y/N had to turn her face to hide a laugh. He sounded like an old geezer, continuing to grouch as they went inside. 

“You’d better let me get the popcorn,” she warned. 

“Oh, no. No dame is paying my way. I asked you out. I’m payin’.” 

With hands up, she said, “I tried.” 

In the middle of approaching the counter, Bucky froze looking up at the menu board. “They have got to be kidding. How can popcorn cost almost as much as the movie? Does it come in a solid gold bucket? This is highway robbery.” 

“Everyone feels that way, but we all still buy it so that’s how it is. I really don’t have to have any.” 

“If my girl wants popcorn, she’s getting popcorn. I’ll just have to ask the boss for a raise, is all.” 

He begrudgingly shelled out the money for the snacks and she asked, “So, am I a dame or your girl; which is it?” sucking on the soda. 

“Oh, I forgot. People don’t talk like that anymore,” he said in a sarcastic tone. “Sorry.” 

“You’re really having a hard time with this, aren’t you grandpa?” She chuckled and he couldn’t help but join in. 

“I’ll try to stop showing my age.” 

“I like you just the way you are, pops.” 

The movie she’d chosen was a fairly unpopular rom-com and he found some rather isolated seats in the back. She sat to his right so they could more easily share the popcorn, but once all the lights were lowered, he put his arm around her shoulder. Not five minutes into the movie, she felt him nuzzle behind her ear.  

“What are you doing?” she giggled. 

“I like the way your hair smells.” 

“Thanks, weirdo. Now cut it out and watch the movie.”  

Turning back to the screen, she began mindlessly passing popcorn up to his mouth. Y/N felt his lips linger on her fingertips and nearly dropped the entire thing, spilling at least a third of it on the floor. 

“Hey, that’s like five whole dollars, right there,” he said a little too loudly. 

They heard a person hiss, “Shhh!” 

Turning to her date, she teased, "You’re nothing but trouble.” 

Bucky pushed her into him, spilling even more popcorn, and said with a crooked grin, “Someone needs to quiet you down before you get us kicked outta here.” He kissed her much the same way as the night before. This went on for at least a full five minutes. When she began coaxing his lips apart with the tip of her tongue, it startled him a little. The guys had explained that women had become much more forward, sometimes even aggressive, but he hadn’t expected it so soon. The hesitation lasted only a moment and he began exploring her mouth, lightly licking at her tongue or sucking at her lips. 

There was something very different about the way Bucky kissed. It wasn’t rushed or demanding in any way. He took his time, enjoying it for what it was rather than where it could lead to. He liked it and he was good at it. She was dizzy again. 

When she stopped momentarily to ask, “Where in the world did you learn to kiss like that?” He just smiled and pulled her in even closer. They spent most of the movie making out like teenagers and by the end, neither of them knew what it had been about. 

The theater was on the main street of town. He asked if she wanted to hang around a while, sharing that one of the things he missed about New York was being able to walk just about anywhere they needed to. She thought it funny that he wasn’t already trying to rush her home. They strolled hand-in-hand up the street.  The night was cool and clear with a multitude of stars hanging in the sky.  

Steering her out of the way of other pedestrians, because she was busy looking up, he called, “Earth to Y/N.” The expression she wore was so endearing he hated to disturb her. 

“I’m sorry. I just love it when it’s like this. It just reminds me how insignificant my problems are in the grand scheme of things.” 

“What kind of problems?” he asked concerned. 

She remarked how his face could go from carefree to brooding almost instantaneously. “I was just speaking in general terms. Don’t look so tragic, Hamlet.” 

A couple blocks away, they stopped at an ice cream shop when he wistfully mentioned how he used to love malted shakes. She insisted on treating him, looking forward to the experience of seeing him reunite with an old favorite. 

“Besides, I don’t want to hear how they cost fifty cents back in your day.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. They were twenty.” After tasting the drink, he said. “This definitely brings back memories. Pretty sure the last one I had was on a date, too.” 

“Did you guys do that thing where the couple drinks out of the shake together, staring into each other’s eyes?” 

“Nobody ever did that.” He chuckled. 

“So, how did that date end?” 

“I walked her home and she let me kiss her good night.” 

“On the front porch?” 

“Y/N, we lived in the city. There were no front porches.” 

“You’ve single-handedly destroyed all my romanticized notions.” Taking her phone out of her purse, she grew excited and said, “I forgot to tell you! I found your Smithsonian memorial. It’s still there.” After loading the photo, she handed him the phone. He grew red then simply gave it back. 

“Look at you, blushing,” she gushed. “Don’t be embarrassed. I can’t decide which I love more. This or the puppies.” When she smiled at him, he returned it, proud to make her happy in any way, even if it was incidentally. He was moved by how inconsequential things brought her joy. 

Eventually, they made it back to the small house that she had also taken over from her parents, and he accepted her invitation inside. It wasn’t long before they ended up making out again on the couch. This time, Bucky got bold enough to let his hands wander a bit over her hips and breasts. His mix of desire and nervous tension was obvious, so she decided to give him time to get comfortable and relax. But when she started sighing, laying a hand on his thigh, he suddenly stopped and said he had to leave, claiming an early morning. 

Up until then she thought the date had been going great. When he left, she wondered where she’d gone wrong.   

* * *

Of course, when he returned to the compound, half of the Avengers had to be sitting in the common area watching the giant television. It sounded like some sort of game was on. As soon as the elevator doors opened, he tried ignoring them, turning towards the suites but Nat shouted out, “Hey, Barnes. How was the date?” They all turned to stare. 

He looked directly at Sam and grumbled, “It was fine.” 

“I put ten whole dollars in the jar and it was worth it,” Sam gloated. 

He stomped off with Steve hot on his heels. “Was is really okay, Buck? Because you don’t sound happy.” 

“I’m just pissed at bird brain. I'm going to have to slug him. You realize that?” 

“If you didn’t let him get to you, he’d stop.” 

“No, he wouldn’t.” 

“No, he wouldn’t." They were in the room by that time. The large blond made sure to close the door to keep their nosey friends at bay. “So, you had a good time?” 

“Yeah. She’s a lot of fun. I really like her.” 

“And?” Steve gave him an inquiring look. 

“And she seems to like me.” 

“You know what I’m asking.” 

“I got to second base. Is that what you want to hear, buttinski?” He grabbed the remote, plopped down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. 

“That’s it? She seemed really into you. I thought something more might happen.” 

“She wanted to. I got cold feet and high-tailed it out of there. I totally blew it. Do you think she’ll go out with me again? Maybe I should text her.” 

“Calm down. Just wait until tomorrow and ask her in person. You don’t want to come across as desperate. What held you back, anyway?” 

“It has been _really_ long time. Too long.” 

“Things haven’t changed all that much. The mechanics are still the same.” 

“I’m aware of that, jerk, but gals are a lot more experienced now and it’s not like I was some kind of Don Juan to begin with.” 

“You dated a lot back in Brooklyn.” 

“It was the 40’s!  Most of the girls I went with were trying to save themselves. Are you telling me when you came out of the ice, you were rarin’ to go?” 

“Fair enough. Well, there’s really only one way to gain your confidence there, Buck.” 

He just grunted. 

Steve got the hint that the discussion was over and opened the door. “You wanna come watch the game?” 

“Naw, I’m gonna hit the sack soon.” As Steve exited, Bucky shouted, “And thanks for warning me how much movies costs these days, jackass!” 

* * *

Since he’d run off the night before, she wasn’t sure whether Bucky wanted to keep going out. To her delight, he asked if she wanted to get something to eat after work. They both went home first to change and he picked her up about an hour later. The restaurant she suggested was very casual and Bucky seemed relaxed throughout dinner. Their conversation went smoothly and she, once more, had a good time. But when he took her home and she invited him in, he declined using Steve’s workout regimen as an excuse. He did give her a long kiss goodnight, leaving her wanting more yet again. She was thoroughly confused. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reluctant progress

Bucky figured he was out of luck, so he didn’t bother asking Y/N out again. Still, he couldn’t seem to leave her be. They continued to joke around, send texts and regardless of what his brain might be doing, his body language told a different story. While he operated under the delusion that he was easing off, in actuality he was giving the opposite signals.  

She assumed he was either trying to play it cool or maybe had someone else in the picture. Neither scenario was troubling since it was early days. As long as he kept showing interest, she could be patient for a while longer. 

He was caught off guard being invited to dinner at Y/N’s the following week and made a lame excuse to take a pass. Bucky understood exactly what was implied, and by then, more doubts had settled in. She was too good of a person to be stuck with a mess like him. What would someone like her want with someone like him, anyway? Simply hooking up wasn’t wise. In fact, it had already been risky getting involved with the boss. The smart thing to do would be to end it sooner rather than later.  

For days he tried to gather the courage, but couldn’t to do it. Whenever he was with her, all the questions temporarily disappeared. He felt good when she was around. She had a way of making him feel at ease, confident even. He had to make a decision one way or another. Finally, he told himself to man-up then asked her out. 

By that time, the Avengers Gossip Jar had amassed over fifty dollars. The team secretly voted that the money should be given to the newest resident to take Y/N out to a nice dinner. When Steve presented him with the cash, already having made reservations at the best restaurant in town, Bucky began protesting.  

“That’s awfully nice, but I don’t need any more charity.” 

“It’s not charity. It’s a way for them to show how they feel about you. Besides, this will only cover part of the check. Please, let us do this.” 

“I don’t have the right clothes.”  

“You can borrow something of mine.” His friend still looked uneasy. “What’s this really about?” 

“Everyone’s just a little too interested in my love life.” While he was definitely uncomfortable with the new attention received from the team, he also wasn’t ready to share more about his intimacy issues. There was no way he was going to voice it to the kid who used to look up to him where that was concerned. 

“Nobody’s asking for intimate details. We just want you to be happy.” Knowing Steve wasn’t going to let it go, Bucky accepted. After all, it would be nice to do something special for Y/N, anyway. 

All of Saturday, he was as jumpy as a cat, driving everyone crazy. The guys tried running it out of him, tried making him laugh and when that didn’t work, Sam tried making him angry but he was too preoccupied to mind. Vision tried reasoning with him and Bucky wouldn’t even be in the same room as Wanda with her mind-reading powers.  

Getting dressed for the evening only made matters worse. One more thing he hadn’t done in over seventy years. Natasha caught him in the hallway with an undone tie hanging around his neck. "Here,” she said, reaching for it. “You don’t look repulsive.” 

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” 

She offered to pull his hair back, suggesting it would pull the look together. As she twisted the band around his locks, she said, “You know, she’s probably just as nervous as you are.” He wasn’t sure if she knew exactly what had him on edge, but knowing her, she did and while disconcerting, it actually helped a little. 

After he got in the elevator to leave, everyone else took a breath of relief. With a knowing look, Sam said to Steve, “No way he’s coming home tonight”. Cap suddenly understood precisely what had his best friend in a tizzy. 

When he arrived at her place, Y/N audibly gasped upon opening the door. He wore a dark grey suit, matching tie and a pale grey shirt. The hair out of his face allowed for every handsome feature to be visible. The blue of his eyes seemed even more intense. “Bucky, you look absolutely stunning.” 

“You’re quite a knockout yourself, doll.” Some of the tension left, seeing her sexy, black dress, showing off a hint of cleavage as well as shapely legs. No one was going to pay much attention to him with her looking like that. 

During dinner, Y/N’s mood was somewhat more intent than usual. This was a new side of her. She often stared directly into his eyes even when there was a lull in the conversation. The smiles sent his way were provocative and her voice had taken on a seductive quality. Natasha had it all wrong. It was arousing yet nerve-wracking at the same time making him fidgety throughout the meal. For the first time in ages, he wasn’t able to clear his plate due to all the knots in his stomach. 

The drive back was torture for him. She was content to sit back, comfortable in the silence. He certainly wasn’t, but with only one thing occupying his thoughts, had no idea what to do about it. He asked again, “You had a good time?” 

“Yes, Bucky. For the hundredth time, yes,” she chuckled. “You don’t seem like yourself tonight.” 

“I’m out of my comfort zone, is all. I can’t wait to get out of this monkey suit.”  

“I’ll be happy to get out of this dress, too, honestly,” she said suggestively. His jaw clenched and a flush rose to his cheeks. 

It started pouring down rain as they pulled into her driveway. Inside, he loosened the tie and removed the jacket, holding onto it to hide his shaky hand. She pulled him in by his tie and kissed him hard. “I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” she said.  

A frown crossed her face seeing the apprehension in his. “Is everything okay?” 

He responded by returning the kiss. This was much different than all the other times, however. It wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t Bucky. It was full of tension and purpose. She suspected why. 

She tried to give him time to ease into to it, let him direct things, hoping he’d lead her to the sofa, or better yet, upstairs. They just weren’t going anywhere in either sense, even after feeling growing pressure against the thigh she had leaned into his groin. She loosened the tie further and started unbuttoning his shirt. 

He pulled away and asked, “Y/N, what are you doing?” 

“Trying to get you out of your clothes, silly.” She looked into his eyes and asked, “Can’t you tell that I want you, Bucky?” 

With mixed emotions, he stepped back. “This isn’t a good idea. I should go. I’m sorry.” He rushed out the door. 

Tossing Steve’s jacket into the car, he saw Y/N come running out after him. “What the hell are you doing?” It was raining so hard, he had to raise his voice.  

“What am I doing wrong?”  

“Nothing. You’re not doing anything wrong.” 

“Are you in another relationship?” 

“What? No! I’m not seeing anybody else.” 

“Then why won’t you sleep with me?” She started shivering. 

“Y/N, get inside. You’re drenched and the front door’s wide open.” 

Crossing her arms, she stood her ground. “I need an answer.”  

He shut the car door, wrapped his arm around her and hoisted her up. She shouted and slapped at him but he didn’t let her down until crossing the threshold, kicking the door behind him.  

“You’re nuts. You know that?” he said. She was still shaking. In effort to warm her up, he held on. 

"If I’m doing something you don’t like, just tell me. I don’t understand why you keep asking me out only to run off later.” 

He held her tighter. “It’s not you. It’s me. I’m the problem.” She stayed silent. He pressed his forehead against hers in self-defeat and whispered, “I don’t want to disappoint you.” 

“How could you disappoint me?” 

“I haven’t done it since the war. It was only a couple times then and I was basically a kid.” 

Putting her hands to his jaw, she said “All you had to do was say something. Bucky, I just want to be with you. I don’t have any expectations. Do you want to be with me?” 

“I’ve wanted you since the day we met.” He kissed her deeply, and his hand moved to her lower back, pressing her hard into his groin.  

Interrupted, asked if he had a condom, he shook his head. “The Serum prevents me from catching or passing anything on, and there’s no chance of you getting pregnant. HYDRA saw to that.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“I’d rather not talk about that right now.” 

“Me neither.” She kicked off her shoes and after he did too, led him by the hand up the stairs. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's a nervous wreck.

The mere mention of HYDRA brought doubts flooding back. The last time he had done it was with Betty Johnson right before shipping out. There weren’t any strong feelings between them. She just felt it was her ”patriotic duty” and who knew if he’d make it back from Europe. Then, they’d had to hurry before her parents came home. Neither of them set off any fireworks that day. 

Besides, back then, there were clear rules of progression. You took a girl out few times. Most likely she wouldn’t even kiss you on the first, or even second, date. Once you made it to that stage, you tried certain other advances which she was supposed to fend off. Nothing too risky. Maybe testing out where she’d let you place a hand, try slipping a little tongue. The majority of the girls he knew were waiting to get married before going all the way. If they were willing, you had to be going steady at the very least. Activities outside of these parameters typically would get a gal labeled as “easy”. But after the whole sexual revolution, everyone was doing it. 

There were very few rules left, according to Steve and Sam. 

Those two popping into his head only made matters worse. They would know where he was, know what he was doing and then they would grill him over. He would rather, literally, be roasted over hot coals. 

His palm got sweaty. When they made it over to the bed, Y/N was instantly concerned upon seeing his face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights and was taking shallow breaths. Placing a hand over his heart revealed how rapidly it beat. 

She sat and led him to do the same. “Bucky, breathe.” In a hushed tone, she added, “If you’re not ready for this, I understand.” 

“I’m just really nervous.” 

“I can see that. You look like you’re having a panic attack. Let’s take a break for a minute.” Standing, she went over to the bathroom grabbed two bath towels then took a glance in the mirror. 

“Oh, my god!” 

Rushing over to the doorway, he asked, “What’s the matter?” instantly on alert, scanning the area. Hopefully, whatever spooked her was something minor, like an ugly spider. 

Trying to tidy up her runny eye make-up with a tissue, she chortled, “I’m a walking disaster. You could’ve warned me.”  

“Jesus, Y/N. I thought there was a problem.” Her mirth was infectious. Once he took a good look at her, he chuckled. “You _are_ kind of a wreck.” 

“Well, whose fault is that?” 

“Hey, I didn’t tell you to go running outside in the middle of a monsoon.” Their teasing eased his mind. If she was joking around, maybe this wasn’t such a big deal. A small spark of courage ignited. “You’re still a dish, doll-face.” 

Turning him around, she let loose his hair, then toweled it dry. “You’ve already made it to my bedroom. I think you can cut it out with the corny pickup lines, Cagney,” she quipped. 

He spun back to face her, looked into her eyes and said, “I mean it. You’d look good in a potato sack.” 

She tossed the towels aside then slid her hands around his waist, looking up at him. “You sure do know how to sweet talk a girl, Sargent.” 

Meeting her halfway, he kissed her as he always did, starting soft, slow. This time she resolved to make things as easy as possible. He was calmed by the realization that she was not going to be aggressive in any way.  

Once his tongue made it’s way into her mouth, she moved her hands to wrap around his neck. As the kiss grew heated, so did the rest of his body. The suppressed physical need began overtaking any remaining second thoughts left. His hand found the top of the dress zipper. He started sliding it down. She finished undoing his tie and the remaining shirt buttons. He slipped the straps off her shoulders, letting the garment fall to the floor.  

Bucky just stared at the black lace bra and panties until she said, “Could you please do or say something? I’m feeling a little self-conscious.” 

“You’re so beautiful. I don‘t know what else to say.” He looked lost, afraid to make a wrong move, so she continued peeling off the wet shirt and tank underneath. She was prepared for the metal on his shoulder, but not for all the angry scars surrounding it. He noticed her brow furrow, worrying the deformity would kill the mood. 

Lightly sweeping her fingers over the distressed skin, she asked, “Do they hurt?” He shook his head. She put her lips to them. He looked at her in awe. 

This time, he took her cool hand and led her to the bed. Due to goosebumps that had risen all over her, he told her to get under the covers while he removed his slacks and socks. When he climbed in next to her, she got a clear look at the full package. Watching his powerful muscles shifting, the size of the bulge under the boxer-briefs, she had to force herself not to stare. Not wanting to risk saying anything that might upset him, she simply bit her lower lip. 

He pulled the covers up to keep her warm. “Can I touch you?” 

“Anywhere you want,” she answered. 

He placed his fingertips on her shoulder, tracing down the length of her arm, his eyes tracking the hand. When he reached hers, he interlaced their fingers and pressed their lips together. After a moment, his hand let go, next slowly moving over to the outside of her knee and tracing its way up to her hip. 

He whispered against her mouth, “You can touch me, too,” then replaced his lips on hers. 

Whichever way his fingers traveled on her, she mirrored on him figuring that would be the safest course of action. They spent a few minutes exploring in this way. As most boys do, he eventually made his way to her bra, cupping her breast. 

“Do you want me to take it off?” she asked. 

Getting confirmation, she reached around to unclasp it. He watched the arms being pulled from the straps and tossing it aside. Ever so tenderly, his lips were placed to her clavicle. Kisses where trailed down her sternum, over to one breast and onto the nipple. The response he received was an arched back and the sucking in of her breath. 

Learning that she was happy with what he was doing emboldened him. When he tugged at the side of her panties, she got the cue to take them off. He shucked himself out of his underwear as well. Once they were completely stripped of clothing, his needs became much more urgent. 

He caught her eyes widen at the sight of him. He asked, “I don’t scare you, do I?” 

“No, Bucky. Just the opposite.” She told him, “Whenever you’re ready.” He moved over her and began guiding himself inside. After having waited and imagined for so long, she gasped at the joy of it finally happening.  

Mistaking her noise, he pulled out and asked, “Did I hurt you?” 

“No! I promise to tell you if something’s wrong. Please.” 

He started again cautiously, but no sooner was he completely inside then it was over.  He hid his face in her shoulder and said, “Shit. Sorry, doll.” 

“Bucky,” she said gently, “It feels like you’re still pretty hard.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Let’s keep going then.” His mouth found hers again. Since the initial hurdle had been crossed, he was able to better focus on the other feelings throughout his body. As she moved against him and continued to map the terrain with her hands, every single nerve touched sent a signal rocketing to his brain begging for more. He briefly tried to recall a time ever having felt so whole but couldn’t. 

A switch was flipped. The burning need had been unfettered. Instinct took over. There was more confidence in his actions and the drive down below was mimicked by his tongue in her mouth. It was still a leisurely pace, but he finally began properly fucking her. 

She reluctantly broke the lip lock in an unexpected need for more air as the rhythm quickened. He filled her so fully, she took a moment to enjoy the sensation of him thrusting in and out, igniting every inch of her core. She started rocking her hips in time with his. Every cell in her body was charged. She reached down and grabbed his ass, feeling the muscles working as well as helping drive him in deeper. 

“You feel so good inside me, Bucky.” 

“God, I’m gonna cum again,” he muttered. 

“Wait for me. I’m almost there.” Their timing was lost as their focus changed. They made noises. The bed made noises. She shifted and ground herself against his groin to get more friction on the swollen clit. “Oh god. Yes! Just like that. Oh, my god!” Her legs wrapped around his back, fingers dug into his glutes. 

“Bucky, look at me.” He raised his head to see the most beautiful thing he’d ever set eyes on. Her mouth was open in an o-shape taking desperate, heaving breaths, eyes wide and darkened by lust.  When he looked directly into those eyes, her knees suddenly squeezed his ribs as the climax hit her. 

As she writhed underneath and cried out, he felt her walls clamp down around him, forcing his own release. This time a dam burst open, flooding everything it’s path. With buttocks contracting forcefully, knees and feet digging into the mattress for purchase, his head dipped back down against her shoulder. His hips pistoned him deep, repeatedly. Even with the enhanced strength, propped up on his forearm, he fought to keep from collapsing on top of her. The euphoric sensations caused his own exclamations. He’d never experienced anything like it before.  

As they relaxed, he rolled off her, making sure she hadn’t been hurt, he was thrilled to see a smile on her face. They sat back against the pillows and he panted, “That was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He grinned widely at her, glowing.  

The expression on his face was a treasure. No one ever looked at her the way Bucky did. She laughed, “The things you say.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t know. It’s so different. It makes me feel special somehow.” 

Pushing the hair out of her face he said, “You _are_ special.”  

They lay like that for a while, staring into each other's eyes, basking in the afterglow of the love making. There was something unspoken that cracked both hearts wide open. Neither of them were ready to define the true nature of those feelings at that moment but they knew things had changed. 

When she woke in the morning, he wasn’t there. Getting out of the bed, worried, she saw his dress shirt and pants were still on the bathroom floor. Luckily, he couldn’t have gone far. She sighed in relief then threw on the horribly wrinkled shirt, rolled the sleeves up some and remarked how ridiculously large it was on her. Downstairs, the tv was on. He was found sleeping on the couch with the afghan draped over him, looking very uncomfortable. 

Quietly, she found her phone and sent a text to Kathy asking her to open up that morning. She started some coffee trying not to be disruptive, but he started stirring. He sat up, rubbing his face. “Oh, hey.” 

“Hey, yourself. What are you doing down here?” 

“I had trouble sleeping and didn’t want to wake you.” It was true even without full disclosure. She didn’t need to know he had been afraid of something happening. 

He rose, folded the blanket and joined her in the kitchen. It had been a very long time since she’d had a man around lounging in his underwear. Bucky was definitely a sight for sore eyes no matter how disheveled he was. 

He immediately wrapped her in a tight hug and kissed her passionately. When he let go, his eyes were twinkling. “You look great,” he said. 

Laughing, she replied, “I’m swimming in this thing and I’m still an absolute wreck.” Handing him a steaming mug, she took a sip from her own then announced, “I have to get ready to go in. You don’t need to rush out. Just make sure to lock up.” 

“That’s okay. I’ll get going soon. But I’m going to need Steve’s shirt back.” 

In her shock over wearing Cap’s clothes, she spilled coffee down the front of it. 

* * *

He wasn’t at all surprised that both the guys were in the hall when he got of the elevator. There was no way either would be able to sour his mood, though.  

At the same time that Sam said, “Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Steve asked, “What the hell happened to my suit?” 

Looking at Steve, Bucky answered, “I’ll get it dry cleaned for you.” 

Looking at Sam and jabbing a finger into his chest, he said, “It’s none of your business.” Beaming, he went into his room alone and shut the door in their faces. 

Sam put his hand on his pal’s shoulder and said, “Baby boy is all grown up now.” 

“What makes you so positive?” 

“He didn’t threaten me.” 

* * *

In the wee morning hours the next day, Bucky woke with a start, breathing heavily and sweating. Without remembering the details, he knew it had been another nightmare. Sitting up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he looked towards the nightstand to see what the time was. The clock wasn’t there. Neither was the lamp for that matter. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., lights on.” 

The entire piece of furniture, including everything on it, lie broken on the floor. He had no recollection of doing it. 

“Fuck.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to take things slow.

If their coworkers thought they were bad before, the couple had gotten even worse after the relationship was announced. Each of them constantly walked around with goofy grins on their faces. They were horribly distracted, always teasing each other, whispering then twittering like children. They had agreed no PDA while on the job, however they were always getting caught trying to sneak touches and kisses when they thought no one was looking. It was sickening, amusing and terribly sweet.  

Bucky knew he shouldn’t be hasty. Regardless, his feelings were growing very strong, very fast. The years of suppressed physical and emotional needs came surging back, difficult to control. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. It was thrilling to once again feel the rush of a budding new romance.  

Once they had gone to the next level, there were all these new things to discover. About her, about relationships, about sex. He felt like a kid again. The only question he had left was the problem of avoiding sleeping in the same bed. However, she never made an issue of it apparently satisfied with the explanation of insomnia. 

Everyone in the compound couldn’t help but notice Bucky’s changed behavior as well. Most of them enjoyed seeing a new side to the formerly somber super soldier. Steve was over the moon that more of his inherent demeanor was returning. Sam, though, worried about the still-recovering HYDRA victim. 

“First, you’re pushing me to get out there and then when I do you want to reel me back in. What’s your problem, Dodo?” Bucky huffed. 

“I thought you would start by testing the waters. You jumped straight into the deep end and fell head-over-heels with the first girl to give you the time of day.” 

“First of all, I am not head-over-heels...” 

“You’ve got the rest of us fooled.” 

“Second of all, you introduced us.” 

“It wasn’t a set-up! I don’t want to see either one of you hurt. I’m just saying, slow your roll.” 

“I know what this is. You’re jealous. Maybe you should start tagging along with Steve.” 

Sam grimaced, threw his hands up in the air and stomped off. 

* * *

Bucky did agree with what his friend said, though, so he and Y/N decided on a schedule consisting of meeting after work once in the middle of the week and again on Saturdays when he would spend the night. She modified her schedule, going in to work late each Sunday, putting Kathy gladly in charge at the Garden Center.  

This arrangement lasted about three weeks, when one night after everyone else had gone, he hurried into the office, grabbed Y/N tight and smashed his mouth against hers. Stopping to breathe, he panted, “These rules are killing me”. He began kissing below her ear and down her neck as she clung to him tighter, wrapping her right leg around his left. 

“I thought we agreed to take things slow, Bucky,” she insisted while combing fingers through his hair, letting him squeeze her even closer. 

“You don’t want me to come over tonight?”  

“You said tomorrow. We should stick to it.” She stroked his cheek in effort to soothe him. 

“Okay. Whatever my girl wants.” Reluctantly, he let her go and they went their separate ways. 

A couple hours later, she got a text from him, _You home alone?_ Having sent the confirmation, she next got _, See you in a few._ She sent a couple more messages asking if there was anything wrong, but got no answer. About twenty minutes later, her doorbell rang. 

Peeking out the window, ensuring it was him, she opened the door. He embraced her, slamming the door behind him, kissing her deeply. His tongue was halfway down her throat and she swore if he held on any tighter, some ribs might crack. 

Y/N pushed him back to get air. “What’s gotten into you?” 

There was a frantic look in his eyes. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to go slow.” 

“Oh, thank god.” 

Lifting her over his shoulder, he bound up the steps two at a time then tossed her on the bed. She squealed in delight at his fervor and they raced to get out of their clothes. Bucky had gotten much more comfortable with sexuality, but not enough to get creative. His inexperience had not been exaggerated. She thought they were overdue in changing things up. 

When he joined her on the bed, she guided him onto his back. He asked, “What are you doing?” looking a little nervous. 

“Just getting on top. Is that okay?” He still seemed unsure until she straddled him then bent down to kiss him. 

Once he realized that he could still have some control if need be, he answered, “Yeah, this is okay.” Smiling with the understanding that she was taking charge but trusting she wouldn't be demanding, he relaxed. 

It felt a little odd to be on the receiving end, but he decided to give it a chance. Then when Y/N lowered herself onto him, he was surprised at how different it felt. There was much more freedom in the ability to shift to meet both their needs. He was hooked when she sat back up and started grinding on him. The full-frontal view, watching her getting off was fantastic. 

Finally, she took his hand and placed it where they were joined. He used his thumb to manipulate her. Within moments, her head fell back and she started shuttering. After she collapsed on top of him, he had more room to thrust his hips, pushing in and out of her. It wasn’t long before he came, too. 

Kissing her neck as she continued to pant against him, he said, “I liked that.” 

Lifting her head to look at him, she asked, “What else do you think you’d like to try?” 

Still inside her, he rolled her onto her side. “I don’t know. Can we do it like this?” 

There hadn’t been one night together where he didn’t have multiple orgasms. He also consistently determined to hang in there until she had at least one more. She giggled, “You’re going to wear me out tonight, aren’t you?” 

“We’ll stop the second you say so.” 

“I'm pretty sure you can persuade me.” They started rocking. Soon, Bucky realized the position wasn’t ideal for him. Y/N suggested her turning onto her other side. He slipped back inside and immediately felt it was much more preferable. She was able to shift, tilting her buttocks into him improving the angle and his hand had better access to erogenous areas. Eventually, she moved his hand down to her mound, encouraging her to push back into him. Throwing a leg over his thigh, opening up further gave him even better access. She warned it wouldn’t be much longer. 

In order to get him deeper, she bent her body forwards almost at a ninety-degree angle so that his path was almost dead-on center. The side of the bed was held on to for support as he drove harder. Her entire pussy was swollen and slick, every movement of Bucky’s hand inching her closer to the edge.  

“Jesus, I’m going to fucking explode,” he growled. 

That did it. Her leg clasped around him as tight as it could trying to stay put as the climax barreled into her. She was afraid if she let them, her hips would rocket off. His cock continued to stroke her walls while they clamped down on him.  She cried out in pure ecstasy. He grabbed onto her pelvic bone as every muscle in his body seemed to contract all in the effort to jettison his seed deep inside. Breathing halted momentarily and stars formed in front of his eyes. 

When air returned to his lungs, he said, “Shit, doll. You wore me out.” 

* * *

Y/N’s anxiety began to rise.  Bucky was thoughtful, doting even. Not that was a problem itself, but sometimes it overwhelmed her. One late afternoon, she returned to her desk to find a small Sweetheart conversation candy had been placed dead center. _Kiss me_ was printed on it. She waited until after closing to comply and let him know the silly, cute gesture was appreciated. From then on, he would leave one with various messages for her every day he worked. 

While intimacy had gotten off to a slow start, he was quickly becoming more confident. He was always just as focused on making her feel good as himself. And he was constantly asking her to suggest new things to try. He was like a kid in a toy shop. The sex was out of this world. 

Her emotions felt like a runaway train about to derail without the ability to do anything to stop it. She was sure neither of them were ready for it. There were so many things they still had to learn about each other. Both had issues that they hadn’t even shared yet. Each time he spent the night, she continued to find him sleeping on the couch. Although, admittedly, they hadn’t been going out long, they hadn’t even had their first fight. He would taunt her sometimes to get a rise out of her, but never really argued over anything. She didn’t even know his favorite color.  

Y/N knew they should take their time, maybe even take a step back, but logic flew out the window every time they were together. He had a way of making her feel good like no one ever had before. She was falling for him hard and it scared the shit out of her. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not just about the sex.

Their legs were intertwined under the bedding. As usual, she lay with her head against his chest, soothed by the sound of his heartbeat while her hair was being stroked. Bucky was always comforting afterwards, as if she were some delicate flower that needed protection. The urge to doze off was hard to fight. Not an ideal time to apply the brakes, but she couldn’t procrastinate any longer. 

“Sweetie, I think maybe we need to slow this back down.”  

They had been together almost every single night. Each time, they ended up in bed. Well, maybe not always there exactly. It could be the couch, the shower, even the car once. Bucky had found his confidence, learned to trust her instincts and grew insatiable. Truth be told, she didn’t mind at all. While he had his limitations – anything that involved bondage, submission or potential discomfort for either of them was out of the question - he knew how to turn her on, could be wild with raging hormones one moment then supremely tender the next. The problem was she felt like they were focused more on their physical desires than building a relationship. 

His thoughts spun for a full minute before speaking. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“Not at all. I was hoping this could be more than just about sex.” 

“Of course it is.” 

“I really want to get to know you better, Bucky, everything, but if we’re constantly all over each other that’s not going to happen. Plus, I’ve kind of been neglecting my friends lately, and we already see each other pretty much every day at work, and...” 

“Whoa, take a breath, babe.” 

“If we’re not careful, we’ll get tired of each other real quick.” 

“I’m not gonna get tired of you, Y/N.” 

“You might think that now, but, believe me, I’ve made that mistake before.” 

He couldn’t help but wonder if there was more she wasn’t saying. “Are you tired of me?” 

“No, Bucky. I swear. I’m trying to avoid making the same mistakes that tripped me up in the past.” 

“If that’s what you need, then okay.” 

Her mind was eased, but his acceptance seemed a little too quick. 

* * *

Steve had gotten tickets to a local minor league baseball game. On the drive there, he teased, “Thanks for tearing yourself away from Y/N for one night.” The truth was, he thought Buck’s girl was doing wonders. There had been no discernable signs of depression for weeks, the anxiety seemed better under control as was his temper. 

Sam, who was driving, said, "Did the warden give you time off for good behavior?” 

“Very funny, jerk wads. We’re slowing things down again, is all.” 

“Whose idea was it?”  

“Hers.” 

“I hope you fought her on that.” 

“No. Why wouldn’t I give her what she wants? Besides, you suggested it yourself.” 

“Uh-oh.” Steve groaned from the back seat which he had reluctantly taken solely because he couldn’t take one more fight over who was shotgun. 

“What uh-oh?” 

“Buck, girls want you to fight for them. You know that.” 

“Fight _for_ them, not with them.” 

“Sometimes it’s the same thing. You should’ve protested at least a little. She’s gonna think you’re just trying to keep her quiet, like you don’t really care.” 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He slid down in his seat, defeated. 

Steve said, “Sam, we need some damage control.” 

“Got it, Cap. Send her a text right now,” he instructed Bucky. “Tell her you’re thinking about her.” 

He pulled out his phone and tapped out the message. The phone pinged when a reply was received. “What does this mean?” he asked, turning the screen towards Steve who made a loud chortling sound. 

“What is it?” Sam asked. 

“She sent him the eggplant and winky face.” They both started laughing. 

“Is that bad?” Bucky whined. 

“She’s sexting you.” 

In one of his numerous lectures, Sam had mentioned the concept but had skipped detailing the various emoji uses. “What the hell does she want to do with a vegetable?” he sounded freaked out.  

The other two started laughing even harder. “It’s not something she wants to use on you. It symbolizes your dick,” Sam explained. “The eggplant, banana, corn cob, even the carrot are all dick emojis.” 

“Christ. She just told me she was worried I was only with her for sex and now she sends me this.” 

“Maybe it’s a test. Tell her you’ll call later and when you do, avoid talking about sex. Just ask her about her day, that kind of thing.” 

“This is getting too complicated.” 

“That’s women for you.” 

* * *

Thor came to town. Naturally, Tony thought it was a great excuse to throw a party. At first, Bucky planned on making himself scarce having heard how crazy those functions could get, aside from the fact that the billionaire wouldn’t appreciate his presence. It was Thor who changed his mind, insisting the entire night would be ruined without the attendance of his newest friend and that he would personally talk to Stark. Besides wouldn’t it be the perfect opportunity to introduce Y/N to the rest of the team? Here was a good opportunity for her to learn more about him without having to delve into unappealing subjects. 

When Bucky asked her to go, she didn’t mention her reservations. Without saying those exact words, it was clear he basically wanted to introduce her to his surrogate family. What if they didn’t like her? What if she didn’t like them? She knew how friends had a way of wedging themselves between couples when they wanted. Bucky didn’t seem to put too much stock in other peoples’ opinions, but that was something she had never been very good at. Even though she was nervous meeting more of the Earth’s mightiest heroes, she pushed those feelings aside knowing it was clearly important to him.  

She was already on edge, due to rampant imaginings of worst-case scenarios, as she parked the car. He had claimed needing her to join him early to help to pick out what to wear but really wanted her calming presence around in preparation for the night.  Bucky met her in the garage. “You look swell, doll,” he said, kissing her.  The y/f/c/ dress she had bought, with Kathy’s help, was fitting enough to flatter her shape, but flowy enough to be comfortable. They made their way up to his room so he could change and relax a while. That, she was thankful for, cursing the new shoes that were already smarting. 

They left the room once music was heard playing loudly from the common area. To their delight, the guest list had been kept relatively intimate compared to what they had imagined. There were only about fifty guests comprised of Facility staff in addition to the Avengers in attendance. When they joined the others, they naturally honed in on Steve and Sam who were already chatting with the blond giant.  

Of course, when he was introduced to Y/N, he instinctually put on the charm. Bucky watched carefully, happy to see that his girlfriend wasn’t having much of a reaction to the Adonis. In fact, she looked even more nervous if anything. Knowing she would be fine having Sam nearby, he took the opportunity to get her a drink. 

Thor was very easy to converse with, asking a lot about her work which no one had ever had much interest in before. He claimed to always have been curious about the human practice of selling plants. It was not something Asgard had ever done. As she answered his various questions, she kept an eye on Bucky over at the bar. While he was waiting on the drink, there was a woman speaking to him. She saw her put a hand on his shoulder, smile and play with her hair. He didn’t seem to be paying much attention to her, but before he left did turn, say something and return the smile. 

Y/N, who was feeling self-conscious, daunted by the gorgeous people around her ( _did Stark require headshots with people’s resumes?_ ), was instantly plagued by jealousy. “Who was that at the bar?” she asked when Bucky handed her the glass. 

“That’s Lauren. She’s one of the nurses.” 

“She seems awfully friendly.” 

“Yeah, she’s nice.” 

“Hmm,” she uttered, taking a gulp from her drink. 

Not long after, the couple was soon swooped in on by Wanda and Nat which instantly put Y/N further on edge. For very different reasons, Bucky considered them the two most dangerous women on the entire planet. She didn’t know what to expect. Thankfully, they were sociable, even dragging her away for some girl talk promising to return her in a short while. Yet, this made Y/N even more uncomfortable, losing her physical anchor. Also, knowing how private Bucky was, she dreaded the questions they might ask.  

Again, Y/N tried to maintain a normal conversation while consistently performing visual checks on her boyfriend at the same time. She soon noticed another woman chatting with him. There was no way someone as adept at flirtation as he was would be oblivious to this sort of attention. She then began wondering how much of this type of thing went on around the Facility.  

Even without reading her mind, Wanda easily picked up on her agitated mood. Following the sight trail, the cause was plainly evident. She cued Nat and they released Y/N back into Bucky’s care hoping things would naturally resolve themselves. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. Y/N’s thoughts had gotten stuck on the idea that many of the women Bucky interacted with on a daily basis had designs on him. In her mind, he should be doing more to deflect these advances. She asked him to get her another drink. It was time to give him a taste of his own medicine.  

Looking around the room, her eyes caught Thor’s huge frame making it’s way out to the balcony/patio. She wandered out after him and asked, “Are you not enjoying yourself?” 

Explaining he simply needed a bit of fresh air, they began engaging in some more small talk. Y/N kept glancing over to the glass doors waiting for Bucky. When she spied him heading their direction, she made a point to give Thor a coy smile and put her hand on his arm. He mistook her gesture for a simply friendly one, so returned it wanting to be polite. 

Bucky seemed to be frozen by the door. She excused herself and went back inside. Eyes narrowing, and jaw clenched, he simply handed her the drink then stomped away. Assuming he was going to hide and sulk, she followed down the hallway towards his suite. He was not going to get off that easily. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions.

The distance between them increased with every pounding stride Bucky took. When she got to his room, he was shucking off his shirt, making a beeline for the bed. He did not flop onto it as expected. Instead, he squatted. She watched silently, curious what he was up to. From underneath, he dragged out a large, sturdy, oblong box. It looked like some kind of military-grade container. He placed it on top of the mattress and opened it. The next thing she saw was Bucky attaching a metal arm. 

Astounded, she said, “I thought you said it was lost in a fight”.  

He whirled around, not having known she was there. “The Wakandans gave me this one. I haven’t needed it until now.” 

“What are you going to do with it?” 

“Smash that pretty boy’s face in.”  

At first, she thought he must be joking until the dark, menacing look in his eyes told her otherwise. The consequence of what she’d done hit home. Y/N chose her words carefully. “You’re not thinking straight. He’s the God of Thunder.”  

“You have no idea what I’m capable of. You wanted me to fight for you? Wish granted.” The fingers of the prosthesis flexed and released as he tested the machinery. The movements seemed dangerous but erotic at the same time, mesmerizing like a serpent. The more pressing matter was the concern he was going to have some sort of relapse.  

As he moved to get around, she grabbed onto his right arm. “Stop it! You’re scaring me. It wasn’t his fault. I was the one who started it.” 

Turning to face her, his jaw twitched, accusation in his eyes. “Is he more your speed? It makes sense. You’re both perfect.” 

“Bucky, I am far from perfect, and I have zero interest in him. He has no interest in me either. I was only trying to make you jealous.” 

“Well, it worked. Happy?” Rightfully, his anger turned towards her. He shrugged himself out of her grasp and stepped back to make it clear there was no threat. “Why would you do that?” 

“I didn’t like all the flirting going on.” 

“I didn’t flirt with anyone!” 

“You didn’t not flirt either.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” 

This was the first time she had seen him truly angry. Instinct told her to defend herself, fight back. “It means you didn’t discourage it.” She knew she was in the wrong, the words sounding ridiculous in her own ears. 

“These people work here. I see them all the time. I’m not going to be rude because of a little harmless flirting.” 

“How often does this go on?” 

“Never! They had a few drinks, it’s a party. So, they got a little overly-friendly.  It’s not like they propositioned me. Guys look at you, smile at you all the time. You don’t see me getting crazy.” 

“Do _not_ call me crazy!” 

“I didn’t! What is going on with you tonight? This isn’t like you at all.” 

Defeated, she hid her face in her hands, “It was childish. I know. I’m sorry. This whole thing is freaking me out.” 

“All you had to do was say something. We could have left anytime. You know I’d understand.” 

“Not the party.” She motioned her hand in the space between them. “Us.” 

He flinched as if being struck. His eyes softened. “Do you not want to be with me anymore?” 

“No. I mean, yes I want to be with you. I care for you a lot, Bucky. A lot. My anxiety was already pretty high and then when I saw those other girls, I guess I just flipped. It’s a pattern with me; sabotaging relationships. I’m a really bad girlfriend.” 

He couldn't stay mad at her when she started crying. Then his only thought was to comfort her. With a calming breath, he said, “Y/N, you are an awesome girlfriend.  There are not a lot of gals who would be patient with me like you are. Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”  

When he wrapped her in a hug, the left hand placed on her lower back as his right arm held her like always, she barely registered how unusual it felt. The prosthesis had no give. “I’m scared of losing you, Bucky. I don’t want to mess this up.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, sugar. Look, I’m crazy about you and that sorta scares me, too.” 

“It does?” 

“Sure. Every day I’m wondering why you haven’t wised up and dumped me yet.” The corner of her mouth twitched in a half-smile. “In fact, it’s making me question how smart you really are, sticking with a jerk like me.” 

“You and your smooth talk. Forgive me?” 

“I forgive you, but promise to quit it with these games?” 

“I promise.” 

Damage neutralized, she closely inspected the cybernetic arm. Running her fingers along the contours, she asked, “Can you feel anything with this?” 

“There’s sort of a sense of pressure that keeps me from accidentally crushing things. Other than than that, no.” 

Running her fingers over the Wakandan technology, she said, “It’s like a piece of art.” 

“Do you like me better with two arms?” 

“Not better. It’s different. Like when I wear a dress you like.” 

A metal finger flicked the hem of her skirt. “Or when you’re taking a dress off.” He nuzzled her neck in the way that always raised goosebumps. 

“We should get back to the party,” she giggled. 

“I don’t want to. You got me all worked up. I need to work off this energy.” 

“Won’t they wonder where we went?” 

“They’ll figure it out.” 

“What if Steve comes looking for you?” 

“He’s not _that_ dumb.”  

His hands settled on either side of her face, pulling their lips together. Any further questions that may have come to mind were wiped away. She sighed into his mouth, kissed him desperately and immediately unclasped his pants. As he began shifting them and his boxers, past his hips, she reached up under her skirt and peeled off her underwear. With one swift movement, he lifted her by the waist while she instinctively swung her legs around his hips. He pressed her back against the wall. 

The cool feel of the left hand in contrast to the other was a bit odd, sending a thrill up her spine. The amount of control he had with it was incredible. It took minimal effort for him to hold her like that. “Jesus, you’re strong,” she gasped. 

“You ain’t seen the half of it, sweetheart.” The response made her gut clench, desire spreading like wild fire. Reaching down between them, she grabbed him and guided him inside her. He immediately started thrusting in and out at a quick pace. 

Her hands were wrapped around his neck, while he had his head buried in hers, ass held firmly in his hands. She could feel his hot, labored breath against her skin. They were both too amped up to even think of kissing any longer. Pinned in such a way, and being driven into didn’t allow her to move much.  

She commanded, “Harder, Bucky.” He grunted while hips increased speed. She cried out, “Fuck me like an animal. Make me your whore.”  

He froze. Lifting his head to look her in the eyes, he scolded her. “Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that and don’t ever let anyone else call you that either.” 

Afraid she’d upset him again, teary-eyed she said, “I’m sorry. I was just...” 

“I know,” he whispered. “I’m not mad. But you are a goddamned angel. You’re my angel.” A tear fell from each of the y/c eyes. “Am I hurting you?” 

“No. I...” After what they had just gone through, she didn’t dare tell him exactly what she was feeling. It would be too devastating to not have it returned. Her emotions were already over-exposed, uncomfortably raw. “You’re so good to me, Bucky.” 

The look on her face struck something instinctual. In that moment she seemed utterly defenseless. He knew he could die for this woman without a second thought. Still staring into her eyes, he lost the rhythm and in only a few more thrusts his buttocks launched forward, pumping into her.  

He needed to deflect the feelings washing over him, threatening to spill out of control. Wiping her tears with his flesh hand, he smirked. “Girls are so weird.” He set her on her feet. “Tell me what you want.” 

She turned against the wall, hands planted to keep her face from pressing into it. As she arched her back, he entered her again then placed a hand on either hip bone. This time they went slower, savoring the push and drag along every heightened nerve. She said, “Touch me.” The second his fingers touched her clit, she pushed her butt back into him, rocking.  

“Talk to me,” she said. As his hand increased both speed and pressure, Y/N moaned and began rolling her hips. Using the left hand for leverage, he started thrusting again and said something unintelligible. Whatever it was, the sensuality of the words spoken in his deep voice and the breath against her ear put her in overdrive.  “What was that?” 

“It’s Romanian.” 

“What’s it mean?” 

“It’s just cursing.” 

“Do it again.” He slowed down, bending to repeat the words, whispering in her ear. “Yes!” She screamed, “Yes!” He rolled the clit between his thumb and forefinger and she completely lost it. With legs shaking, and ass pressing hard into his groin, she shouted, utterly falling apart. And as always, the muscles clenching around him coaxed out his own orgasm for a second time. 

Collapsing against the wall, she began sobbing heavily. He eased out, spun her around then pulled her close. “What’s wrong, baby?” There was no reply, just more tears. “Y/N, you’re starting to scare me.” 

“I'm fine Bucky. Sorry,” she sniffled. “I’m just really emotional right now. It's been a lot tonight. You know?” Wiping at her face, she insisted, “I’m okay. Maybe you shouldn’t fuck me so good,” she joked. Lifting her panties from the floor, she stepped back into them while he handed her his shirt to wear. 

He pulled on his own underwear and asked, “You sure you’re alright? Let me get you some water.” She made her way to the sofa while he saw to the drink. He joined her and turned on the tv suggesting something mindless to watch for a while. It wasn’t long before they dozed off with her laying against him. 

In the middle of the night, she woke being carried to the bed. He lay her down, kissed her head then went back to the couch. Sometime later, she was woken by a shout. When she sat up, Bucky was rising from the couch, drenched in sweat. He walked into the bathroom. She followed him to the sink where he was cleaning up. 

“It’s nothing. Go back to sleep.” The words came out a little harsher than desired. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No,” he answered curtly. 

She left. When he walked out of the bathroom, he was surprised to see her on the couch with the tv on having expected her in the bed. When he sat next to her she said, “When I was a kid, I used to have horrible nightmares. We don’t have to talk. I’ll just sit here with you if you want.” 

Bucky leaned against her as she stroked his head. “What would you dream about?” he asked. 

“Most the times it was something coming after me that I couldn’t see, but I was completely terrified.” 

“You don’t have them anymore?” 

“They went away with time. I still have occasional bad dreams, but nothing like that anymore.” 

After a few minutes, he said, “They used to wipe my memory.” Unsure of how to respond, or even if she should, Y/N remained quiet. “There was a machine they would strap me into. It hurt like hell.” She noticed an involuntary shiver. “That's what this one was about.” 

“There are others?” 

“Yeah.” 

He obviously wasn’t ready to talk about those yet. She bit the inside of her cheek to try to keep her eyes from welling over again. The idea that anyone could hurt this gentle soul in any way broke her heart. His voice sounded so small, so vulnerable. This was the first time he had shared any detail about his time with HYDRA and she feared the wrong reaction could make it the last. 

“If there’s anything I can do, ever, you just name it. If you want to talk, I’m here. If you want a distraction or have me sit with you, I’m here. If you need space, just say so. Whatever you need.” 

His flesh fingers rubbed at his eyes without a word. There were tears of his own he needed to get under control. They sat like that while she continued to soothe his head until dozing off again. 

A few hours later, when sunlight started streaming into the room, Bucky blinked into consciousness. Something wasn’t right. He wasn’t alone. He nearly jumped off the couch, startling Y/N. 

“Did you have another nightmare?” 

“No. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep with you like that. You okay?” 

“I’m a little stiff, but I’m fine.” He seemed almost as shaken up as from the bad dream. Perhaps it had caused some sort of setback. She spoke more calmly, “Everything’s fine, babe.” 

He took deep, purposeful breaths to settle down. “Don’t let me fall asleep with you like that again.” 

“Why not?” 

Heavily sighing, he admitted, “The reason I don’t stay in bed with you is not insomnia. Sometimes, I do have trouble sleeping, but the main reason is I don’t want you to get hurt. Once in a while, I lash out. Things have been broken.” 

“I see.” 

Bucky watched her reaction, prepared for the worst. Who wanted a boyfriend who couldn’t even sleep in the same bed?  

“Okay, then. No sleeping together until further notice. No problem.” 

“Okay? It doesn’t bother you?” 

“It hasn’t up to this point, so I don’t see why it should now. Obviously, I hope the situation will get better for you sooner rather than later, but it doesn’t change anything for me.” 

His right hand ran through his hair. “Wow. I really thought you’d be upset.” 

Going to him to wrap her arms around his waist, she asked, “Why?” 

“Because nobody wants a broken boyfriend.” 

“Newsflash, Bucky. We’re all broken.” 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changes.

Y/N could see Bucky hadn’t been sleeping well. His demeanor hadn’t changed, just more tired than usual. He insisted it was only restless sleep, but it was clearly starting to take a toll. After he had opened up about the nightmares, she wondered how long and how often this had been going on. He might never have said anything had she not been there to witness it. Y/N knew too well the aversion to burdening others, believing you could cope alone. So, she made Bucky promise to contact her the next time he had one. Naturally, he resisted, saying he didn’t want to bother her, wasn’t going to disturb her too. She ultimately convinced him by explaining that her own sleep was starting to suffer due to constant worry. 

New images had begun popping up in his head, or sometimes a word of Russian that didn’t have any context. They were infrequent and merely flashes, really, happening so quickly he didn’t have time to actually examine them. There was no discernible trigger, yet, as to what might bring one on. Most of them occurred during the day, but in the quiet of the night with nothing better to do, his thoughts constantly returned to them trying solve a mystery with almost no clues. Briefly, he considered asking Natasha to help him find some files that might offer insight to his time in Russia. That seemed like looking for a needle in a haystack, so he scrapped the idea. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face more of that just yet, anyway. Things were going so well. He didn’t want to rock the boat.  

Summer was quickly approaching. They took full advantage of the warm weather, regularly going on outdoor excursions. As weeks passed, the couple continued to grow closer. Things were going better than Bucky could have ever expected. Better than he sometimes felt he had a right to. Whenever he was around Y/N, though, somehow those thoughts melted away and it felt okay.  

Bucky even tried using the metal arm a couple more times, but the curious looks he sometimes got unnecessarily brought back the bad memories from Wakanda. He had actually loved his time there up until the end, so decided that the prosthesis was better off in its box. Tony’s people were putting the finishing touches on the new arm anyway. It would be nice to have something that didn’t have any associations with destruction attached to it.  

The day it was delivered to him, Y/N couldn’t help but notice the extra pep in his step even before he walked into the nursery.  A huge grin was plastered on Bucky’s face. “What do you think?” he asked, holding out the appendage, rolling the wrist and flexing the fingers. The hand was as dexterous as anyone else’s. A non-enhanced human’s at least. The flesh-like material looked so realistic, she would not have suspected it was cybernetic hadn’t she known otherwise. 

“It looks so real.” she asked. 

“There was a whole team of people working on it, but Stark was so proud he was actually there in person to watch the final fitting.”  As she admired the lifelike machinery, he added, “I still can’t feel anything, but it’s state-of-the-art. S.H.I.E.L.D. developed some advancements for one of their agents a while ago, so they combined that with the Wakandan tech and, viola. In fact, I was hoping we could take it out for a test run tonight.” He reached out and tickled her side. 

“That's the first thing you think of to do with it?” she chided. 

“First, second _and_ third.”

* * *

She and Sam decided to take the two WWII vets to Coney Island in celebration. The three-hour drive was well worth witnessing the pair turn into oversized kids before they even got there. They caught sight of the Wonder Wheel and The Cyclone as they neared. Seeing the rides they grew up with still operating, albeit renovated, Steve and Bucky hightailed from the parking lot so fast it took Sam and Y/N a while to catch up to them. The super soldiers rode the roller coaster numerous times until Steve finally got nauseous but proudly didn’t throw up.  

It took about another hour before needing a break. Everyone was starving by that point. They head towards the boardwalk in search of food. Since Nathan’s hot dogs was still there, naturally that’s where Steve and Bucky wanted to eat. Y/N and Sam wandered off to search for fare that was more palatable. 

Seated at a nearby picnic bench with their numerous hot dogs, Bucky asked, “So, what do you think?” 

“They don’t taste quite the same, but they’re still good.” 

“Not the dogs, you dope. Y/N.” 

“Oh! She’s great, Buck. I’m happy for you, but it shouldn't matter what I think.” 

“You know the rule. If a guy’s friends don’t get along with his girl, that’s a sure sign of trouble.” 

“Well, I hope she likes me, too, then.” 

“Steve, I swear sometimes you forget you’re Captain fucking America.” 

“If only I could. Speaking of friends, you know, if it wasn’t for Sam, you two probably wouldn’t have met.” 

“Dammit, don’t remind me. I might have to start being nice to him.” 

Later on in the day, when Sam and Bucky were busy chasing each other down in the Raceway go-kart track, Steve took the opportunity to have a similar chat with Y/N. “You know, I haven’t seen him this happy since before the war. It’s really nice.” 

“Are trying to find out what my intentions are, Cap?” she smirked. 

Blushing and awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, he answered, “Yeah, I guess I am. Sorry, I’m just looking out for him. It’s a knee-jerk reaction.” 

“I get it. If it makes you feel better, I’m pretty serious about him. Sometimes I worry, though, being his first girlfriend after everything.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I wonder if he’ll one day realize there are a whole lot of other women out there who would love his attention. Maybe he should shop around a little, see what else is out there?” 

“Look, there have been a lot of changes since the war, but Bucky’s still basically the same guy I grew up with. Once he makes up his mind about something, you have to move mountains to change it. So, I’d say that’s one of the last things you need to worry about.” 

“Is there anything you think I _should_ worry about?” 

Something caught his eye before he answered. Urging Y/N to look where he pointed, they saw their friends in one end of the track. The Avenger had found a way to jam up the super soldier’s car against an edge, so Bucky decided to crawl into Sam’s trying to shove him out. Luckily the ride was over before their shenanigans escalated. 

When the foursome reunited, Steve said, “Any more trouble out of you two, we’re going home.” To Bucky, he said, “I thought you were going to be nice to him?” 

"I said I might. He ruined it.” 

By sunset, everyone had exhausted themselves and were ready to head home. Y/N sat in the back of the car with Bucky holding on to a small, stuffed dog he had spent way too much money on winning. They both promptly fell asleep. During one of his rearview mirror checks, Steve caught a glance at them. He said, “They’re good together, don’t you think?” Lately, there were few things that gave him as much pleasure as seeing his old friend happy. 

“I truly hope so,” Sam said with reservation. 

* * *

Y/N was woken by her phone buzzing. It was 3 a.m. She could hardly believe he actually followed through, sending a text. _You up?_ Sending back the confirmation, he asked to go over to which she answered, _Of course._  

“Was it bad?” she asked when he arrived. He had simply thrown on grey sweats and a black hoodie over his tank top in haste.  

“Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to go to bed so you can get some rest.” Bucky knew she wouldn’t push. She never pushed. 

They went upstairs and laid down. He wrapped her up in his arms as usual. “Thank you,” he said. 

She turned to face him, put an arm around him and rubbed his back. “For this? You’re welcome, but you don’t have to thank me. I want to help. You don’t need to go through this alone.” 

Little light there was, she could see tears well in his eyes. He uttered the Romanian words he had been repeating in bed every time they had been together since the party. It seemed to be his new go-to. She figured he was embarrassed by his emotions, so she snuggled into the cleft of his chest and asked, “Do you think you’ll be able to get any more sleep?” 

“No. Don’t worry about it. I feel better just being here.” 

“Good.” It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep against the calming rhythm of his heartbeat. Bucky lay still, just watching her doze, wondering how he had ever gotten so lucky or what he could have possibly done to deserve her. Mulling on thoughts along these lines, eventually the gentle sound of her breathing lulled him to sleep too. 

When he woke in the morning, Y/N wasn’t there. There was a note explaining that she didn’t have the heart to wake him before she left for work and reassuring him that nothing had happened. It dawned on him then that there hadn’t been one violent nocturnal incident in weeks.  

For reasons he couldn’t understand, she had no fear of being accidentally injured, confident that his subconscious recognized she was there.  He finally began trying to share the bed on the occasional nights, encouraged when all was well each morning. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wants to spare Y/N at any cost.

Sam banged on the door for the fourth time that hour. “This is your last warning, Barnes. I need proof of life or I’ll get Wanda or Vision involved.” Hopefully, he could avoid interrupting Cap unnecessarily as well. 

“I’m not going to do anything stupid. I just want to be alone.” Barnes sounded angry. Good. Anger he could accept. 

“Alright, man. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” On the way back to his own room, Sam pulled out his phone, dialing. A few minutes after having left a message with the medical team’s after-hours service, Bucky’s psychiatrist called.  It took some time, but the doctor assured him, without revealing details of the session, she never would release a patient if there was even the slightest risk of danger to anyone, including themselves.  F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s physical monitoring would have to be sufficient for the time-being. Bucky needed a chance to work things out on his own. She would check on him, first thing in the morning unless, of course, they contacted her with a change in the situation. 

After disconnecting, Sam sent Y/N an update hoping it might ease her mind a little. Thank goodness, Steve was out, not expected to return until the next day. Sam wasn’t sure he could handle anyone else’s drama that night. 

* * *

Bucky turned his phone off the minute he got into the car, sure he’d go running back given half a chance. She would worry, but that couldn’t be helped. Better that than keeping her cart hitched to a useless, lame ass. He could spare her a wasted life. That, at least, was something. The sooner she got over him, the better. She would move on and find someone stable that could give her everything she deserved. Everything Bucky couldn’t. 

He knew he had done the right thing, but that knowledge did nothing to alleviate the bile rising to his throat. Less than five minutes later, he pulled over. The tears were coming so fast his vision was blurred. Was he really that big of a fool to have thought he could ever be happy again? But he had been, for a little while. There had been moments with her that he had been happier than at any other time in his whole miserable life. From the first time they met, she didn’t treat him any different than anyone else. He wasn’t a cripple or an ex-criminal to her. Anytime he looked in those y/c eyes, he felt like all she saw was Bucky. Not the Winter Soldier, not the HYDRA victim, not the Soviet operative.  

Suddenly, it dawned on him why he had been given all the good things that had recently come his way. So that, ultimately, when the rug got pulled out from under him, he would feel the pain good and hard. He deserved all of it; every bit of suffering and more. As they say, karma’s a bitch. 

A list of all the things he would miss began playing. How he loved simply touching her, and being touched. He had gone so long without intimate physical contact, he didn’t realize how deprived he’d been. It was like a drug.  So was just having her near. Even without touching or speaking, if she was close by that was enough. Maybe it was the way her eyes always seemed to light up in that special way or the involuntary, inviting reactions of her body when he got close. Then there were the times she would tease, having caught him staring without even realizing. Of course, there was the sex, but it wasn’t the act itself he would miss most. It was the way they connected on a whole different level. She made him feel complete. 

He had no idea how long he had been sitting there before feeling steady enough to drive. It could have been ten minutes, it could have been an hour. The only motivation he had to move was returning the car before someone came looking for him. He had to force his mind to focus only on operating the vehicle, damming up the torrent of emotions.  By the time he reached the compound, he was numb. If anyone passed by or spoke on the way to his room, it didn't register. After shutting the door behind him, he sat on the couch and turned on the television, increasing the volume loud enough it would hopefully provide further distraction. 

It didn’t. At least it muffled the sound of Sam’s voice outside the door. Y/N must have called him, making sure the screwball charity case wasn’t a danger to anyone. Hopefully, if it went unanswered long enough, the guy would give up. 

Bucky certainly had. 

* * *

Earlier in the day, Y/N got a call from him, clearly upset about something. His voice sounded raspy. He only said something had come up in therapy that needed attention, wouldn’t be in to work and would stop by her place later on. The session must not have gone well. 

She had just changed into a pair of yoga pants and a fitted t-shirt after cleaning up when Bucky arrived. He looked distraught. This wasn’t the same as after one of his nightmares. He was agitated and sad but also looked physically ill. As usual, opening the door to him, she stepped back waiting for him to enter. He just stood there with hands in the pockets of his jeans, barely making eye contact. 

“I’m not coming in. I actually came over to say goodbye,” he announced. 

“Are you going somewhere?” 

His eyes were on his shoes, hair hiding his face. “No. We can’t see each other anymore.”  

“What do you mean?” 

Glancing up, he said, “I can’t be with you, Y/N. I’m splitting up with you.” 

It was plainly obvious something wasn’t right. The body language was all wrong. It was overwrought, resigned and dejected. This was not typical breakup behavior. “Come inside. Let’s talk about this. I don’t understand. What happened?” 

“I’m not coming in.” The words came out with determination, as if he were fighting himself. He put his palms up to keep her at bay. “I am a monster and you need to get away from me. You are better off without me.” 

“Bucky, whatever it is, we can work it out together. Don’t do this to yourself. Please, just talk to me.” She reached out, longing to provide comfort, but he shied away. 

“There’s nothing to work out. Nobody can change the past. I need to go. I’m sorry.” He turned and left. 

Until he backed out of the driveway, she stood in the doorway watching in disbelief. She chose not to accept what he’d said, focused on the strange conduct, then hunted down her phone and called Sam. He hadn’t seen Bucky since the morning and had no idea what could have happened. Luckily, Tony’s cars had GPS systems that could be used for tracking. Sam told her that Bucky seemed to be headed back towards the compound and promised to update her regularly. 

She was full-blown upset by that point. Her mind was racing. She knew it wasn’t going to stop until things were resolved. Who knew how long that would take? She called her best friend for emotional backup who showed up with a bottle of wine around the same time Sam let her know Bucky was safe in his room.  

Y/N had known Kathy since attending the local community college together. Their friendship had been the one stabilizer in Y/N’s last few rocky years. Kathy was the voice of reason and a guidepost as she struggled through her darkest times. She was also always the first to point out the dangerous flaws of the men Y/N seemed to be drawn to. And, even when Y/N invariably refused her advice, Kathy would still be there to help pick up the pieces when things took a turn for the worse. Briefly, Y/N had hesitated before contacting her. Kathy was never the type to say ‘I told you so’, but people’s faces often betrayed what was on their minds.   

Then she remembered Kathy had encouraged her interest in Bucky. The only reservations she had were the same ones Y/N had herself. Not only had he proved to be stable and kind, he even took the effort to get in good with the best friend. None of her other boyfriends had ever bothered. They could’ve cared less. Kathy had given him her seal of approval. 

When Y/N detailed everything that happened, she agreed that none of it sounded like Bucky. He hadn’t pulled a runner in months. Something traumatic must have happened. Maybe it had been a flashback or distressing memory. With his shutting everyone out, they were grasping at straws. If Kathy couldn’t help her friend solve this problem, the best she could do was wait it out with her. 

“I’m kind of pissed off that he did this,” she said. 

“If you saw him, you wouldn’t be. For whatever reason, he thinks he’s doing the right thing for me.” 

“He should know you’ll be worried. He has no business stressing you out like this.” 

“First of all, how many times do I have to tell you, the last thing I want is people walking on eggshells around me? Secondly, I didn’t get around to telling him.” 

“Y/N, seriously? You’ve been going out for months!” 

“I know but with everything he’s been going through and everything we’ve had to work on, there just wasn’t a convenient opening for me to bring it up. Look, I’ve been in a good place for a long time now. Plus, I have you and Sam. I’ll be fine. We need to focus on Bucky.” 

“You don’t think he’d hurt himself, do you?”  

“Sam said the doctor is confident he won’t, and his room has some kind of monitoring for physical distress, so I’m trying not to think along those lines. I just can’t figure out what would make him think I need to stay away. He mentioned his past but that was it.” 

“What about someone showing up, wanting retribution?” 

Shaking her head, Y/N answered, “I think you’ve been watching too many movies. Even if that did happen, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have come here personally.” 

“Hon, the only other thing I can think of is his feelings spooked him. Maybe he’s just not ready for a mature relationship.” 

“I’m not ready to throw the towel in yet, Kathy. I can’t give up on him.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there may be quite a few readers who don't like angst asking "WHY?" My answer is, because I personally needed this and the next couple chapters to explore an important components of my Bucky's and Y/N's personality. Quite frankly, I love my characters (in every story), even their broken bits.
> 
> However, I PROMISE that while his friends (and you) might be understandably worried, he is not having any dark or dangerous thoughts. The psychiatrist knows what she is doing.
> 
> Finally, yes, the next chapter will reveal what triggered all this. Thanks for hanging in there :-)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The revelation.

Despite a restless night of tossing and turning, Bucky had enjoyed the morning run with Steve. The scenery surrounding the Avenger Facility was remarkably different from Wakanda, but the forests in the background, the sound of the passing river, the birds in the trees, all brought back the same sort of peace. He was relaxed and calm. That day, he felt something that had been missing for decades; contentment. 

Even therapy had started out well, but before ending the session, the counselor asked how he’d been sleeping. Bucky mentioned it becoming more erratic even though there were no nightmares in at least a week. The issue wasn’t really concerning. It was only the flashes from his time in Russia still niggling at him. Natasha was occasionally, inexplicably, in some of them as well. She would be fighting or he would see her face in front of him. He wasn’t sure if he was confusing some of his more recent memories under HYDRA control with the past. Not a big deal. 

“Have you asked her about it?” 

“No.” There was a large part of him that hoped these images might fade away if ignored long enough. Another part of him knew this was wishful thinking. It was like a tiny splinter that had to come out eventually but you dreaded pulling. He could put up with it a little longer. If he acted nonchalant about the whole thing, maybe the shrink would let it go. 

“We discussed how suppressing memories would hinder your progress. You said these images are disrupting your sleep as it is. Wouldn’t you agree this should be addressed before it becomes a serious problem?”  

The idea of picking at that thread was, frankly, daunting. There were so many things that were finally going his way: his relationship, fewer nightmares, even his appetite had improved. It had taken so long to get to where he sometimes felt truly happy. Heck, there were even times when he felt optimistic enough to think about the future. Was it worth jeopardizing all that? 

The doctor reminded him how important adequate rest was to overall health and the longer he avoided dealing with it, the harder it would be to rectify. Then it might very well affect all those good things he listed. He hated to admit she was right, but couldn’t think of a valid argument. She suggested inviting Natasha to join them in the office so that he’d have support. Perhaps it would make it a little easier. After Bucky agreed, she asked one of the medical assistants to see if Romanoff was available. Ten minutes later, dressed in her black training leggings and top, the former agent joined them.  

The counselor explained why she was asked for, then handed the reins over to Bucky. “I keep getting images of this place in Russia, like a school, only it wasn’t.” 

“You don’t remember?” Nat asked in her typical monotone. She observed his forced, laid-back posture fooling no one in the room. Though sitting still, his muscles were clearly tense with anxiety. 

“No. I just keep seeing you there, only much younger.”  

“The Red Room, where they trained us.” 

His eyes widened in recognition. “Natalia. Your name was Natalia. What was I doing there?” 

“You were one of my trainers.” 

“In what?” 

“Hand-to-hand combat. Weapons.”  

 “Is that all?” 

Looking him dead in the eyes, she answered, “That’s all the training you provided.” 

The Russian’s body language, even her voice, gave nothing away, yet he knew by the answer’s phrasing she was withholding information. “What are you trying to hide from me?” 

Natasha glanced at the psychologist. “He is not going to want to hear this.” The counselor urged her to continue, confident Bucky was capable of handling whatever it was. Nat turned faced him again. Without batting an eye, she said, “You and I got together once. We were found out and separated.” 

“Together? Are you saying we...?” 

“Yes.” She witnessed his jaw clench with tension. His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed. His eyes shifted as he tried, unsuccessfully, to access the memory. 

He wanted her to be joking. He wanted her to by lying, but she had absolutely no reason to do either of those things. “Of our own free will?” 

“Yes, but we certainly weren't in our right minds."

“How is that possible? HYDRA eliminated all that.” Maybe she was mistaken, confusing him with another Winter Soldier. He knew that could never be the case with that damned arm. 

“They were constantly playing around with the cocktail they gave you.” 

The impression that had been forming in the back of his mind, broke free, pushed its way forward. A young, beautiful, lonely woman in front of him reaching out for some sort of human connection. How desperate must she have been to have sought it from the Winter Soldier? Yet, at the time, it had awakened a similar, visceral need in him. He remembered an internal struggle of will. Bucky knew it was wrong, but Bucky also craved solace so desperately it amplified the physical need. Unfortunately, he was not in control. There had been an unspoken understanding between them the interaction was only to satisfy an instinctual desire. They gave each other what little they had to offer. He remembered, afterwards, feeling worse than before. She didn't speak of it, but her face, had suggested the same. The act hadn’t been satisfying in any way only laying on one more guilt on top of the massive pile stored up inside him. The bastards had done their jobs well. 

Swallowing hard again, then forcing his jaw to relax enough to speak, he asked in a low tone, "It was only the once?” 

“Yes.” 

Bucky stood and started pacing the room, clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly. All these months they lived in the same building. She knew he was dating. She had met and talked with Y/N. Had they erased all of her emotions, or was she really that good at masking them? He was dumbfounded how she could sit there giving out these answers so coolly. It was baffling to say the least. Finally, he yelled, “Why didn’t you tell me this?” 

Without taking her eyes off him, Natasha calmly answered, “When, Barnes? When would it have been a good time to bring this up? I’m not exactly proud of my time there either.” She watched him carefully. At the least sign of trouble, she would do her best to contain the situation, knowing all too well what he was capable of. 

He continued pacing. “You’re right. It’s not your fault.” He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh, trying to make sense of it all. 

“Look, you weren’t you and I wasn’t me back then.” 

The doctor asked Bucky if there was anything further he wanted to ask Ms. Romanoff before thanking her and letting her go. As she stepped over the threshold, Bucky hollered, “Natasha!” causing her to stop and turn. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” She said without emotion, closing the door behind her. 

"This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this.” It had only been within the last couple months that he had been able to start articulating what little he remembered about HYDRA’s methods. Though the process was cautious and slow, there was some progress. Whether or not Steve knew, having access to old records, even they had never spoken about it. Sharing a part of that with Y/N had been a huge breakthrough. He had started to believe he could tell her anything. Remembering the night of Thor’s party, he wondered how he could tell her this. She would flip her lid. It would disgust her. It disgusted him. She would never understand. He barely understood himself. The answer was simple. She could never know. 

For some reason, when he started thinking about Y/N, more memories of his time with Natasha surfaced. Feeling faint, he sat back down and put his head between his knees trying to slow his breathing. Trying not to be sick all over the rug, shutting his eyes tight in effort to keep the visuals away. He was remembering details about the encounter and couldn’t block them out no matter how hard he tried. 

He had entered his room to find her there waiting for him. Neither of them spoke. She was the one to make the first move, pushing herself against him, one hand reaching to pull his face in close for a kiss. As soon as they touched, though, if either of them had any intention of tenderness, it was quickly forgotten. It was a flurry of lips and limbs, clothes being tossed aside and a hurried fuck on the bed over in matter of minutes. There was no more gratification than an itch being scratched. He remembered looking at her afterwards, no detectible clue to what she might be thinking, supposing he probably looked the same. She put on her clothes and walked out the door. The next day, his keepers decided to put him back in cryo. Without any way to contend with the emotions, Bucky actually welcomed it, knowing the memory would be wiped when he was brought out. 

For a few minutes, the doctor sat watching for any signs the man might be losing control. Confident that wasn’t happening, she proceeded to instruct him through a lengthy calming exercise to keep his anxiety from turning into an all-out panic attack. Once the crises was averted, she asked, “What are you feeling right now, Bucky?” 

“I feel angry. I’m angry for me and Natasha. What they turned us into. I feel like choking every single one of those commie bastards until their eyes pop outta their skulls but, conveniently, they’re all gone.”  After venting the frustration of it all, a wave of despair hit. “This is never going to end, is it? I’m never going to get out from under. Every time I turn around some more of their shitshow is gonna come outta nowhere to fuck me up all over again.”   

"The feelings you are experiencing are all completely understandable. Bucky, remember both you and Natasha were victimized. They stripped you of your identities.” 

“When will people realize it doesn’t matter? That doesn’t make it any better.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More revelations.

Steve stood outside the door, hands on hips, shook his head and sighed. “Do you have any other suggestions? Tony’s already questioning his stability.” He had returned to the Facility around noon and was immediately updated on the situation.  This behavior was completely out of the blue. As with anyone else, neither texting nor knocking at the door had worked. He was a little hurt, but mostly concerned, that Bucky wouldn’t talk to him of all people. 

“It’s time to take off the kid gloves. I’ll get his sorry ass out of there.” Sam began pounding angrily on the door. “Hey! Loser!” 

Steve cautioned, “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

He continued yelling. “I’m tired of this self-absorbed, pitiful bullshit! Stop acting like such a pussy, Barnes!” 

Within seconds, the door was ripped open, pulled halfway off its hinges. Bucky, still wearing the same jeans and blue t-shirt from the previous day, flew through the opening. He pushed Sam across the hall, pressing the cybernetic arm across his chest to pin the man against the opposite wall.  

F.R.I.D.A.Y. announced, “I have detected Sargent Barnes is in distress.” 

“The situation is under control,” Cap barked, annoyed. 

“If it wasn’t for you, none of this would’ve happened,” Bucky growled. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Sam croaked. 

“Let him go, Buck. Whatever’s going on with you is not his fault,” Cap said. 

Sam was released. Bucky turned and stormed into his room but had no way to keep the guys out. He dropped onto the couch, crossed his arms glaring at absolutely nothing. Steve said, “Hiding isn’t going to help. We’re not leaving ‘til you talk to us.” 

“He was right. I got in way over my head, but now it’s over. I won’t make that mistake again. There, I talked. Now leave me alone.” 

“Nat said this has something to do with Russia.” 

“What the hell did she tell you?” he shouted, a murderous look in his eyes. 

“Nothing. That was it. Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No!” With a fierce look he warned, “I’m only going to ask you one more time to leave.” 

“Bucky...”  

Sam took Cap’s arm, leading him out. “Leave the Scowling Commando alone. He obviously wants to wallow. There’s only one way we’re going to help him out of this.”   

* * *

There was a knock at the door, repaired by Steve and Sam to keep Tony from finding out, he wanted to ignore but couldn’t. Her voice was the last one he expected, or wanted, to hear. “It’s me.” 

“Why are you here?”  

“Sam called. What you’re doing isn’t fair to me or yourself. I'll camp out here if I have to until you talk to me. If I have to shout at you through this door so all your friends can hear or sleep on this cold, hard tile I’ll do it.” 

There was silence for a minute before the latch clicked and the door opened. She slipped inside. He backed away, afraid to touch her, fearing he’d lose his resolve. Both of them noticed the dark puffy eyes of the other. He was the first to comment. “Looks like you didn’t get much sleep.” 

"What did you think would happen?” 

He turned his back to her, shoved his hands in his pockets, looked out the window. Silence. She instinctively reached out to touch him, but pulled her hand back knowing that was the wrong play at the time. So, she waited. 

“I’ve said all I have to say.” 

“You barely said anything, Bucky. What made you want to throw away everything we have all of a sudden? None of which I believe, by the way.” 

“I don’t want to. I need to. I’m an abomination and can’t let you get dragged down into this hell.” 

“Bucky, you know I’ve never pushed before, but when you shut everyone out, it’s not right. You think you’re protecting us when you’re actually doing the opposite. We have no idea what’s going on and all we can do is worry. It hurts us to see you like this. You gotta talk to somebody; anybody.” 

“Y/N, I’m completely useless. I can’t let you go on wasting your time with me. You deserve the world and I can’t give you a damn thing. There are plenty of great guys out there who could do better by you.” He still refused to look at her. 

“Where the hell is this coming from? I certainly hope you’re not talking about some outdated notion about financial security and whatnot. I didn’t need anyone else for that before and I don’t need anyone for that now. You give me everything I do need. Sure, you’re a bit of a mess, but who isn’t? Unlike all of the other guys I’ve been with, you never pretend to be something you’re not. You’re kind, caring, respectful, make me feel good about myself. I could go on and on.  You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

He was surprised by the tears welling behind his eyes. He didn’t think he’d had any left after the night before. “All the horrible things I’ve done, the people I’ve hurt. I’m never going to get out from under it.”  

“You won’t if you keep thinking that way. Then all those bastards still have control over you. They win. You’ve always been a fighter, Bucky. Why give up now?” 

“You won’t be saying all those nice things about me when you find out what I did in Russia.” 

“Well, why don’t you tell me what happened and let me make that decision for myself?” 

His jaw twitched with tension. There was no longer any way to avoid the truth. “I slept with Natasha.” 

She hadn’t expected anything like that. After gathering her thoughts and taking a few deep breaths, she asked, quietly, “Do you still have feelings for each other?” 

“There were never even any feelings back then. It was purely physical. I should’ve put a stop to it, but I didn’t even try. It only happened once.” 

“So, you thought I’d be upset or think less of you?” Taking his lack of response as confirmation, she added, “I hate to tell you this, but I’ve had meaningless sex before. More times than I care to admit. I know how that can feel.”  

Finally, he turned to face her. “Really? That seems so unlike you.” 

“I wasn’t exactly in control of myself either. There’s something I should have told you a while ago. I have what my doctors call an Unspecified Mood Disorder.” His face showed he didn’t understand. “It means I have symptoms that fall under more than one category.”  

“What symptoms?” 

“A whole range of things. Anxiety, depression, mood swings, reckless behavior, sleep issues; it’s a long laundry list.” 

“I never noticed. God, I am just the worst boyfriend ever.” 

“Bucky, stop it! You’re an amazing boyfriend.” Taking his hands, she added, “The reason you didn’t notice is because I’ve been treated for over a year. I take my medication every day and keep up with my therapy. Anyway, the point is I won’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through but I completely understand it. Even the guilt and regret for things that really weren’t your fault. I totally get it.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I don’t know. You were going through so much, there didn’t seem a good time to bring it up. You’ve been doing so great I didn’t want to get in the way of that. Then, later on I was scared you would start treating me different.” 

Her face showed she was still uncertain. He embraced her, stroked her hair and asked, “Was it bad, what you went through before?” 

“It got pretty bad before I finally got the right help. Some days it’s still hard, but I’ve learned to trust certain people to help me through, like Kathy. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her.” 

“You can trust me, too.” 

“I know that, babe, but it’s not something that comes easily for me. I’m working on it.” 

He kissed her gently for a long while then looked at her and whispered against her mouth, “Y/N, you can tell me anything. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. Te ieubesc.”  

She was confused hearing the Romanian words then. “Is there a literal translation to that? Because you’ve started saying it at the oddest times.” 

“It means, ‘I love you.” 

Y/N pulled back to look at his bright blue eyes. “James Buchanan Barnes, you mean to tell me you’ve been saying it all this time?” 

“It just slipped out the night of the party. I was afraid to tell you the truth.” 

“Oh boy, are we a pair of idiots. That same night I wanted tell you too. I chickened out.” 

“You did? Tell me now.” 

“I love you, Bucky.” 

Smiling, he said, “Say it again.” 

“I love you, Bucky,” she chuckled. 

“Again.” 

“I love you, Bucky. Now shut the hell up and kiss me.” 

He held her tightly, kissing her slow and soft, tasting every inch of her mouth. When she needed a breath, he led her over to the bed. They took their time undressing each other, hands trailing skin behind each item of clothing as it was removed. They lay down on the bed and spent a long time just stroking each other and kissing, lost in the intimacy, enjoying the heat rising in their bodies. 

They didn’t speak. There was no need for any more words. After he eased into her, he rolled them onto their sides. He pressed their hips together tight, buried so deep, she could barely move. At first, she didn’t know what to make of it. When he closed his eyes, she followed suit and lay still. Inside, she could feel his throbbing heat, the penis’ tip pulsing against her cervix. There was a new sensation between them as well. Something transcending the physical or emotional. She would swear love was coming off of him in waves and she silently prayed he could feel it reciprocated. It was the most sensual thing she had ever experienced.  

Their breathing sped up and Bucky rocked his hips slightly, just enough to cause a little more friction. She opened her eyes then to see he was watching her. The movement of his hips increased a little bit more, causing an arch in her back and moans from her mouth. He kissed the bottom of her throat, along her neck, under her jaw. When he clamped their groins tight again, she felt the jerking and warmth of his orgasm hitting every nerve inside. Burying her head against his chest, Y/N cried out as her walls quaked in response. Without the ability to move her pelvis, the only release her body had was through her core which shook repeatedly. One last tremor traveled up and down her spine to completely exorcise any remaining tension. 

Even after Bucky dropped out of her flaccidly, they lay in that position holding on to each other. “Christ, that was amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it. Where did you learn to do that?” 

“Those magazines Sam gave me. I actually read some of the articles,” he laughed. Bucky kissed the top of her head and rolled off the bed, saying, “I almost forgot,” then walked over to a cabinet returning with a closed fist. He opened his hand revealing two of the Sweetheart candies. “I owe you one for yesterday and one for today.” 

She took them and asked, “Are you going to keep this up forever?” 

“No. The company that makes them shut down last year. I think I bought the last bags the store had.” 

“You like them that much?” 

“God no. I don’t eat them. Nobody likes these things. I just give them to you.” 

“You are such a dork.” 

“Dorks are good, right?” 

“They're the best, baby.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Te iubesc is pronounced "tay-oobesk". If you're not aware, most of the free online translators have audio so you can hear it for yourself:-)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's working on it.

Ever-vigilant, Cap picked up on the new dynamic and kept asking what the problem was. “Wanda’s feelings are a little hurt and Nat says you’re being weirder than usual. Her words, not mine. Why are you avoiding them?” 

Sam interjected, “He’s afraid of having his mind read, and locked up tighter than Fort Knox about Russia.” 

“Goddamit, do we have to put that jar back out?” Bucky growled. “I’m working through some stuff. Believe it or not, you two don’t have to know everything about my life. Butt out.” 

“The Russia Incident” was not going down easily. It was constantly on the forefront of his mind. Understanding something and accepting it are not the same. He cursed himself. He cursed Natasha. He cursed HYDRA. He cursed Hitler and the Japanese who bombed Pearl Harbor. He cursed the shrink for dragging all of it to light. Some days he was even upset that Y/N was so understanding. Logically, he knew it was ridiculous, but couldn’t help feeling she had been wronged somehow.  

The doctor had him trying to put everything in perspective and make peace with this new development, including reexamining the occurrence through a more positive perspective. The truth had come out and there had been no catastrophic repercussions. In the grand scheme of things, he had more serious issues from the past to contend with. 

He didn’t say any more about it to Y/N. There were two reasons for this. Bucky was, frankly, tired of talking and thinking about it all the time. It was nice to take have a break. Also, there was no reason to upset the apple cart now that they were back in a good place.   

While the Winter Soldier had worn a mask of apathy, Bucky had never been terribly adept at subterfuge. She knew he was still bothered, especially because he was extraordinarily doting to the point it grew irritating. He kept trying to make up for the affair regardless of how many times she explained it was nonsensical.  

Y/N’s patience remained unfaltering. That was, up until the intimacy issues began.  

She opened her eyes, coming down from her climax high, and saw Bucky was just about there. The only thing that was more erotic than seeing him work at it, was him finally getting off. She watched as his whole body tensed. Then he froze. 

“Fuck.” He slipped out of her and rolled over, covering his eyes with his forearm. 

“What’s the matter?” He shook his head, indicating he didn’t want to speak. “It happened again, didn’t it?” 

With a sigh and face still shielded, he nodded. “I’m sorry.” Every time Nat's face popped up, unpleasant feelings and involuntary images resurfaced. Images that made him feel like he was being unfaithful. 

“Sweetheart, for the hundredth time you do not need to apologize.” Desperately wanting to make him feel better, she grasped at a straw. “It was right before, when you closed your eyes, right?” 

“Yeah.” 

His erection was still semi-hard and she hated to leave him unsatisfied. She said, “I have an idea if you want to try again. Maybe if we stay away from missionary position for a while, and try to keep your eyes open?” 

With some hesitancy, he agreed. She positioned herself between his legs and asked, “Watch me the whole time, okay?” gingerly sliding her fingers along his shaft. When he nodded, she added, “Wanna talk to keep from getting distracted?” 

“Sure,” he gasped. Lightly teasing his balls with one hand, the other gently wrapped around his shaft, sliding up to the head. There, she used her thumb to trace around the hole, spreading the precum. As she began a slow stroke the now fully-erect penis, she whispered, “How does this feel?” 

“Good. Oh my god, so good.” 

“I love playing with this great, big cock of yours, Bucky.” 

A wry smile crossed his face. “I never knew you had such a filthy mouth, Y/N. I like it.” 

“You imagining what to do with this mouth?” When he nodded, she added, “We’ll save that for another day. I want you to focus on what we’re doing right now.” She stroked faster using both hands. 

His hips began twitching. He said, “I want to fuck you, Y/N.” 

Climbing on top of him, she eased herself onto him, sighing. “You feel so good inside me.” Immediately, she started grinding. 

He moaned, “Jesus, doll. I’m close already.” Reaching up, he massaged her breasts and rolled the nipples. His head began relaxing back onto the pillow. 

She commanded, “Eyes on me, Bucky.” He snapped-to. “That’s it, baby. It’s just me and you. Stay with me. How we doin?” 

“You feel so good, sugar. How do you always know what I need?” 

She started riding him harder, up and down until he started groaning. His head tilted back again and she directed, “Don't look away. I’m going to lose it again. I want you to watch me.”  

Bucky thumbed her clit and she began shuttering around him keeping her focus on him. Seeing her come apart, sent him straight over the edge, too. 

Even after they were done, she stayed on top of him for a few moments. He pulled her face down to meet his, kissing her deeply. “You did it, angel. You fixed me.” 

"I seriously doubt that. You still have work to do, but I’m glad this helped in the meantime.” 

* * *

His girth had proved just as much a challenge as his length. She resorted to a firm grip on the shaft while she massaged his balls and her mouth concentrated on the head. Never before had he been so vocal, letting out pornographic moans, swearing, “Oh, fuck, sugar. Goddamn. Just like that. Christ. Fuck. Jesus your mouth feels so good on my cock.” His abs began visibly clenching. Running his fingers through her hair without putting any pressure on her head, he warned, “I’m gonna cum, babe.” Keeping her eyes on him to make sure he watched, she sucked harder and faster, pressing her tongue against the underside, making her own noises of pleasure. Bucky had let out a final, load groan then came so hard it left his thighs shimmying.  

“Was that okay? You didn’t mind doing that?” he asked. 

“I loved doing that for you. Honestly, I wasn’t a big fan before, but this was different. It’s never just one-sided with us. You never try to dominate me or pressure me into anything.” 

His brows furrowed. “Have guys hurt you before?” 

“No, not physically. Sometimes I didn't have the confidence to assert myself and wound up doing things I didn’t really want to. There were guys who definitely took advantage of that.” She saw his concern and added, “I’ve always felt one-hundred percent safe with you.” 

“Good. You are always safe with me, baby, in every way.” He rolled over her body and began worming his way down the bed. “Now I wanna return the favor, but you might have to give me some direction here. I’ve never done this before.” 

“You don’t have to...” she began until he began pressing kisses against her abdomen, hips, inside her thighs and on top of her mound. 

“Oh, this is definitely happening,” he smirked seeing her squirm. 

“Well, you’re off to a good start. Follow your instincts. I’ll let you know if something’s no good,” she panted. Her skin was already flushed with heat, her body aching for more. 

He gently widened her thighs, opening her up to him. Using his flesh thumb, he slowly stroked her. She gasped when he placed his tongue against it, exploring in and around the folds. Mewling sighs escaped her. With hands clasped onto her thighs, he spread her open and pressed his lips against her. He licked up her slick slit eliciting further noises from above. An encouraging hand settled on top of his head, the other grasping at the sheets. When Bucky lapped and sucked at her clit, Y/N began writhing. 

“How do I make you come?” he asked. 

“Add your fingers or use your tongue and finger my clit,” she panted. 

Curious as to what it would feel like, he decided to try the latter. She let out a loud groan, arching her back as his tongue entered her, finding the g-spot. He shifted his right hand over, thumbing her as instructed. Shifting his eyes upward, he watched her fall apart, screaming out his name all while feeling her shake against his mouth. 

While the last of the tremors left her, he continued to kiss the lips and inside her thighs until she squealed and wriggled away. Chuckling at the reaction, he crawled back up to lay next to her. “I’m guessing you liked that.” 

“That was fantastic.” Focusing on him, she laughed, “Oh, Bucky. You’re a mess,” grabbing a handful of top-sheet to wipe his face. “So, what did you think?” 

“I liked it. I never understood the appeal before, but now I do.” He nuzzled her neck, “I love the way you taste. In fact, I’m going to fire the doc,” he joked. “I like your therapy better.” 

* * *

Ultimately, it was Natasha that helped him out of the funk. However unlikely, he was terrified that she might spill the beans if the guys annoyed her enough. He gathered up the courage to discuss it with her. 

“Barnes, I have no intention of telling anyone. This is between us, and as far as I’m concerned that chapter of my life is closed.” 

“Is it that easy for you?” 

“Sometimes. It has to be.” 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops

By the end of summer, The Russia Incident was mostly behind him, including the intimacy issues. After this and numerous discussions, Y/N convinced Bucky to move in with her. He no longer needed to lean so heavily on his friends and liked living apart from them. It was relaxing in the house. He didn’t need to hide just to get some peace. Y/N was much more understanding when he needed to be on his own. As amazing as his friends were, they could overwhelm him with their constant worrying. If it wasn’t him, they were fretting over some situation or other that needed righting. They literally looked for trouble. That life was not for him, and quite frankly, he had done more than his fair share of shedding blood. 

Learning the tasks necessary to keep a household were cathartic. He eagerly learned how to cook, do laundry, yardwork and pay his bills. The normalcy of it all was a balm on his soul.  

Y/N made him feel right at home from the start, but he was tired living off of others’ charity. It weighed on him. Bucky finally decided to find a different, full-time job to feel more independent and to contribute more. Through Y/N’s contacts, he found a new job working at a local organic farm that also had a few goats and chickens. The work was much harder than at the Garden Center, but also more rewarding. It was nice to think he actually helped produce something important. 

This also necessitated some adjustments to their daily routines. Given all the changes during that time, Y/N thought nothing of it when Bucky and her friends kept commenting she looked a little run down. On her third day of hardly eating anything due to nausea, he insisted she go to the doctor. She argued that it was probably just a cold and would try to get more rest in the meantime. 

A few evenings later, she was sprawled out along the couch watching tv, no better or worse, when Bucky came home with some comfort food from the store. As he unpacked the bag in the kitchen, he announced, “I had a physical today.” 

“Yeah? Everything okay, I assume?” 

“Sorta. But, um, when was the last time you had your monthlies?” 

“My monthlies?” she laughed. “You sound like my grandmother. It’s about time, actually. Why?” 

“The doctors suggested you go see them tomorrow to get a blood test.” 

“Me? I thought you couldn’t catch anything from me.” 

“It’s possible I gave _you_ something.” 

She sat up. “Whatever it is you need to say, spit it out, babe.” 

“Part of their routine exam is to check my...well, my...they said I’ve got a few live swimmers floating around now. Apparently whatever HYDRA did wasn’t permanent. There’s a teeny, tiny chance you might be pregnant.” 

“Pregnant! Please tell me you’re joking.” 

“I wouldn’t joke about that.”  

The color drained from Y/N’s face so fast, Bucky rushed to her side. “I’m not ready to be a mother!” She started wailing against his shoulder. The responsibility of a child, when she had only just gotten her own life under control was terrifying. 

“I know. It’s alright. They said it’s a very small chance. We’ll go first thing in the morning and find out together, okay?” Wiping at her face, she stood and went towards the front door. “Where are you going?” 

“I’m going to buy a test kit,” she said. 

“I’ll come with you.” 

At the store, he followed Y/N down the appropriate aisle trying to avert his eyes from the multitude of feminine hygiene products. He glanced up at the shelves when curiosity got the better of him. “Damn, there’s a lot of stuff here. I didn’t know it was so complicated. Glad I’m not a dame.” 

“Well, if you were, we wouldn’t be in this predicament, would we?” she snapped. Finding the pregnancy tests, she grabbed a box labeled “early detection” and then walked along further.  

“What are you doing?” he whispered loudly when she stopped in front of the condoms. 

“We might as well stock up while we’re here. What size are you?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve never used one before.” When she pulled a packet off the shelf and began examining it, he said, “Put that back. What if someone sees you?” Ignoring him, she chose a few boxes then started for the cashier. Bucky stopped her by grabbing her arm. “I’ll take care of the rubbers. You buy the other thing.” 

“Number one, ew. Don’t call them that. Number two, stop being ridiculous.” As she made her way to the register, he lowered the beak of his baseball cap trying to hide. 

“I’ll wait in the car,” he grumbled. When she finally joined him, he said, “I’m sorry about all this.” 

Letting out a long breath that felt like she’d been holding forever, she answered, “No. I’m sorry if I’m being bitchy. You didn’t know. Even the doctors didn’t know. I could’ve insisted on a backup.” 

Back at home, Y/N ran up the stairs to the bedroom and dumped the contents of the plastic bag on the bed. She tore open the pregnancy test box and swiftly scanned the directions then went into the bathroom. A couple minutes later, she came out and placed the stick on the sink counter then set her phone timer for three minutes. 

She pointed out the results window. “If a second line shows up here, it’s positive.” Y/N sat on the bed while he started pacing. “That’s gonna make me crazy. Come sit,” she said, holding onto his hand for dear life. 

Bucky’s tranquil blue eyes met hers. “I’m here no matter what. You know that. Every step of the way.” 

Turning away, she said, “I know, babe, but stop. You’re gonna make me cry again.” The timer went off. She said, “I can’t look.”  

He brought the stick out from the bathroom and held it in front of her. “There’s nothing there.” 

Letting out a long breath, again, she said, “That’s good, but I’m still getting tested tomorrow. It might just be too early to tell.” 

They didn’t get much sleep that night. They couldn't help but wonder how their lives could change. Neither of them had been around babies very much which increased their anxiety. She doubted her ability as a mother while he reassured her. He doubted his ability as a father while she reassured him. They temporarily distracted themselves by testing out a few of the prophylactics. Rest came to them only in short spurts. Both of them were puffy-eyed and dragging when morning finally came around. 

In the hallway between the Facility garage and Medical, they ran into Sam and Steve. “I’m starting to think you guys implanted a tracker in me when I was in Wakanda,” Bucky grouched. 

“We just have a sixth sense for when trouble is around,” Steve said. “You know, the whole superhero thing.” 

“You’ll have to look elsewhere. I just brought Y/N here to get checked out by the docs. She’s got a bug or something.” 

Sam gave them a wide birth, grimacing. “I hope you feel better, but see ya’ later.” 

The couple continued on to their mission. After the blood draw, they decided to wait out the results back at home. Hours, that felt like days, later the nurse practitioner called. It seemed like Y/N repeated, “You’re sure?” at least five times. 

Finally, after disconnecting, she smiled at him. “It’s negative. It really is probably viral.” When they embraced in celebration, Y/N felt something shift in his mood. Bucky’s face looked slightly downcast when she saw it. “You okay?”  

“That was awfully nerve-racking. It’s good news,” he answered unconvincingly. 

“Tell me the truth, Bucky. Did you want the test to be positive?” 

He sighed heavily, shaking his head. “I know we’re not ready, but it wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world. Would it?” 

“No. Maybe not.” They went off on their separate ways, each lost in their thoughts about the future. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More changes

On July 4th, about a year after moving in together, they were due at the Avengers Facility to celebrate Steve’s birthday. Bucky had gone out with Steve and Sam to “do some guy stuff”, whatever the hell that meant. Y/N was waiting for him to pick her up. 

From the bedroom, she heard the front door open and close. “I’ll be ready in ten minutes,” she shouted. Standing in her bra and panties, reaching for a casual dress from the closet, she turned and saw Bucky enter the room. Her jaw dropped, eyes widened. “What did you do?”  

Bucky ran a hand nervously through the now short hair. “You don’t like it?”  

Coyly, she said, “Look, whoever you are, my boyfriend is due back any minute and if he finds me standing around in my underwear talking to some handsome stranger that wandered in here, there’s gonna be hell to pay.” 

With a sly grin, he sidled up to her. “He the jealous type?” 

“Very.” 

“I bet I could take him.” His snaked the cybernetic arm around her waist, pulling her flush. 

“He’s awfully big and strong.” Bucky slid one of the bra straps down off her shoulder. 

“You love him?” He slid down the other as well. 

“With all my heart.” 

“Hmmm,” he hummed along her neck, making her swoon. “He’s a very lucky man.” Butterfly kisses skimmed along the side of her neck, turning every inch of skin into gooseflesh as she squealed and tried to twist out of the vice-like grip. 

“Keep squirming, doll. It’s turning me on.” Bucky teased in his deep vibrato. 

“We’re supposed to be there in half an hour.” 

“They’ll start without us. Don’t worry about it.” He slid his right hand inside her panties. Her resistance halted immediately. “Ah, ha,” he said at his discovery. “Now you can’t pretend you don’t want it as much as I do, you naughty little vixen.” 

Her knees buckled as he easily slipped two fingers inside her. His fingertips quickly found their target and began stroking, eliciting guttural moans from his prey. “Jesus, fuck,” she groaned, grasping at the freshly shorn locks.  

“You said we’re in a rush.” When she began grinding along with him, he started whispering Romanian words of love in her ear. They worked their magic as usual, releasing any semblance of control she had left to the point he had to keep her from collapsing onto the floor. 

“Dammit, Bucky. Why do you always do this to me?” she laughed as he eased his hand away. 

“Because you love it, and I love it.” Peppering kisses everywhere, he carried her two feet over to the bed. Keeping her wrapped up in his arms, he let her fall with him onto the mattress, making her shriek again. 

Rising up on all fours, Y/N began crawling over to the nightstand. As she reached into the drawer, suddenly she felt her panties yanked down around her knees. “For Christ’s sake, I was getting you a condom. Hold your horses.”  

Flipping her over, he finished removing the undergarments as well as his own clothes. He took the foil packet to prepare himself. She continued to laugh at his antics. “What’s gotten into you?” 

“I love you, sweetheart, and your body does things to me. This is going to be a night you'll never forget.”  

* * *

“I warned you. Sam’s texted me five times already asking where we are,” she said when they were finally on their way. 

“Totally worth it.” Bucky flashed her one of his infamous grins.  

They arrived as food was being served. ‘’Where the hell have you guys been?” Sam asked the minute they walked onto the patio. As soon as he caught Bucky’s expression, he dropped his burger. “Ugh, I just lost my appetite.” 

Much to Stark’s chagrin, Cap wouldn’t let him throw one of his notorious soirees in celebration of the icon’s birthday. He would only agree to a cookout with his closest friends. Y/N was shocked to see Tony at the grill flipping burgers. “Capsicle said he wanted a good old-fashioned barbeque, and that’s what he’s getting. Junk food and all.”  

She whispered at Bucky, “I didn’t think he’d actually be here tonight. It’s not like he can avoid you. You two gonna be okay?”  

With a shrug, he answered, “Steve said he’s been doing some therapy of his own.” 

Everyone enjoyed the dinner and good company out in the fresh air. A couple hours later, a large red, white and blue sheet cake was brought out. Wanda and Vision had baked and decorated it from scratch. It looked it, but Cap was tickled and everyone agreed it tasted great.  

The night was typical for The Adirondacks in July, warm and a little humid. As the light started to fade, fireflies made their appearance adding to the magical backdrop of the lush green hills. 

The sun eventually slid down past the horizon and Tony announced that the obligatory fireworks show would begin. As the first of them went off, Steve joined Y/N and Bucky, handing his friend a small bag and box. Steve gave him a pat on the shoulder as he was thanked before walking off. 

“What are you up to now?” 

Handing Y/N the bag, he said, “These are for you.” 

Opening the parcel, she saw it was full of heart-shaped candies. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me. You are such a goofball.” Taking one out, she began, “Why in the world...” stopping short when reading the message, _Marry me._ She pulled out one after the other. They all said the same thing. 

Her brain went blank, unable to decipher the messages. She looked to him to help make sense of what was happening. Fireworks were shooting off in the distance but, the Avengers were all watching Bucky on bent knee in front of her holding open a small jeweler's box which contained a delicate diamond ring. 

Her hand shot to her mouth unsuccessfully stifling a loud gasp as tears flood down her face. He said, “I had a whole big speech planned, but right now, I can’t remember a word of it. Y/N, will you marry me?” 

Choked with tears, she nodded frantically. “I hope that’s a yes,” Bucky said. 

“Yes! Of course, I’ll marry you.” He stood and swept her up in his arms, kissing her as everyone around them clapped.  

When he put her down, he took her left hand, slipping on the ring. “I know it’s not much. Sam helped me find it in a pawn shop. One day, I’ll get you bigger one.” 

“No, Bucky. This is perfect. I love it, and I love you.” Once the histrionics were over, everyone congratulated them. Pepper, Wanda and Nat descended upon her to take a look at the ring. Y/N said, “Bucky, you shouldn’t have stepped all over Steve’s night.” 

“It was my idea,” the birthday boy explained. “I honestly couldn’t think of a better gift.” 

Tony rubbed his hands together and declared, “Looks like I have another party to plan.” 

In unison, the happy couple shouted, “No!” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

_T en years later_

Bucky pulled into the garage of the three-story colonial and turned off the engine. Usually, he rushed right into the house, but he’d had a tough day and wanted a quiet moment to collect himself. It had been almost ten years since he and Y/N married. Neither of them could bear the thought of a formal wedding, instead opting for a simple civil service with Kathy and, of course, Steve and Sam standing by as witnesses.

Not long after, they got the news that Bucky’s physiology continued to change. In addition to all of his hormones returning to a normal level, so did cell regeneration. He was beginning to age like everyone else. This news came as a blessing to him. He looked forward to growing old with Y/N. 

Other life-changing events came along as well. On friends’ advice – well, nagging really – he started his own private security company. Apparently, there were a lot of people willing to pay top dollar for protection provided by HYDRA‘s former top asset. Over the years, Captain America was finally ready to hang up his shield and Falcon pass on his wings. Bucky was more than happy to offer them executive positions and hoped they would eventually settle down as well. 

The company did so well that he wanted to give something back. With Tony’s help and additional funding, they started the StarkBuck’s Foundation which provided assistance and support to victims of enhanced individuals or alien contact. Although they never formed a true friendship, Tony accepted that The Winter Soldier was not the real James Buchanan Barnes and finally forgave him. 

Then there were the kids. Rebecca had come along about a year after the wedding.  Two years later, they had another daughter, Molly. The girls were Daddy’s little princesses. It was four-year old B.J., spitting image of his father, who was putting the greys in his hair.

When he decided to step through the door, entering the kitchen, it was no surprise to find Y/N hollering up the staircase “...and you just wait until your father gets home James Buchanan, junior!”  

As usual, the girls attacked Bucky first with the squeal of “Daddy!” Molly couldn’t wait but tell him what trouble her brother was in. “We told you about tattlin’, Mol. I’ll talk to mama in a minute.” 

Once he was released and allowed to give Y/N a kiss, he asked, “What was it this time?” 

“We just got back from the doctor. Your son decided not only to see how high he could climb that tree in the backyard, but to jump straight to the ground. Sprained his ankle and wrist. He’s lucky he didn’t break anything.” 

Bucky went up to his son’s room, finding him pouting with arms crossed, on the bed. “Hey, buddy. How you feeling?” 

“Fine.” 

“You upset about something?” 

“Mommy’s mad at me.” 

“You gave mama quite a scare. Why would you jump out of that tree?” 

“Gotta pwactice.” 

“Practice? Practice what?” Bucky wondered.

“For when I gwo up. I’m gonna be Captain Amewica!” 

“Y/N!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For clarification, B.J. Is for “Bucky Junior”. They just thought it was more fitting that J.B.

**Author's Note:**

> If you can't tell by the title, this story ended up nothing like my original idea. That was basically just going to be a few chapters of smut and, hopefully, humor. Bucky and Y/N had their own story to tell I guess.
> 
> If you've come this far, I can't thank you enough for joining me along this ride. I hope you had as much fun as I did:-)
> 
> Finally, note there are sequel one-shots in this series you may also want to check out.😀


End file.
